What I would Have Done Differently for my Wedding

It's been almost 3.5 years since we got married in our beautiful Lagosian Beach Wedding. As much as I loved it, and was on such a high for a while, there are some things that I would change if I had to go back to that time.

Book Review - Happy Wives Club

I came across this book, titled Happy Wives Club, while perusing a local Christian bookstore. I won't lie - the main reason why I bought it was because it was on sale - less than $3. But reading the premise of the book "One woman's worldwide search for the secrets of a great marriage" also caught my interest. These are very interesting times. Social media has allowed a lot of information to be shared, and very often, sadly, the stories about marriage are negative. You don't have to look far to read stories of separations, divorce, infidelity, abuse, and more in marriages all over the world. Whereas our parents typically kept quiet about such issues, our generation is more open. And if we're being truthful, marriage honestly doesn't seem like such a great idea anymore. Even in marriages without major issues, a lot of spouses are just simply "managing." It's particularly painful because God created marriage, and anything He creates is inherently good - but as humans, we have allowed it to become bad.

Source

Berry and Cakes Conversations - Lost in Translation

I miss putting up these kinds of posts! Remember how I used to share some of the funny conversations Cakes and I used to have (Car, Kitchen, Foot Massages, Training)? I went down memory lane last week and read some posts from a couple of years ago, and they made me smile inwardly. Anyways, the main reasons why we were lost in translation in our early days was the whole UK versus US English. 

Till Snoring Do Us Part

Cakes and I have been married now for over three years. In these three short years, we've gotten to know each other better. It ranges from different things like the way each person feels about privacy (no comment on that), to what kind of foods we like, to much deeper stuff that I can't share on here. But one thing I can talk about is the fact that we both snore!

One Year Update!

Can you believe that today, March 7th, makes it one whole year since I left Nigeria and moved back to Hamrika?!?!?! Like where did the time go?!?!??! Okay, I won't lie. Time has felt very draggy at different times, but mehn, just like that one year has passed! I contemplated putting up a video to talk about the past year, but I'm opting to write things down instead. I think I'll share the year in Highlights, Lowlights, and Medium-lights :p

30 and Unmarried - Part 2

As I was saying in my previous post, my family members were very worried about me because I was quickly approaching 30, unmarried, and didn't seem to care. And truthfully, I really didn't care that much. I knew I would get married eventually, but I wasn't on a timetable. Yeah, it probably helped that there were different guys along the way, so I was preoccupied anyways *hides face.* But the bottom line is that I wasn't sitting somewhere, wallowing and waiting for my life to start, because I did have a life!

30 and Unmarried - Part 1

I got the idea of this post from a tweet that Sugabelly posted last week.

Wondering if there are any "testimonies" from Nigerian women 27 and above who didn't settle and found love with a man with 95% of their reqs

— Sugabelly (@sugabelly) January 18, 2017

Being a Nigerian/African woman typically means that by the time you're done with your first degree, family members are eagerly awaiting your wedding announcement. You're probably between 23 and 25 years old at the time, and woe betide you if there's no eligible suitor hanging around.

So In Love With JORD!

About 3 years ago, I put up a post on the 5 Love Languages. Cakes and I, in preparation for our upcoming marriage, took the assessment separately. The first time I took the assessment (4 years ago), my primary love language was Physical Touch, with Quality Time and Receiving Gifts close behind. Since then, I've taken the assessment twice, and both times, Receiving Gifts has been my primary love language, with Quality Time and Physical Touch tied in second place. When I really think about it, I particularly enjoy when Cakes gives me well thought-out gifts, and spends time with me, even if we're just lying in bed, legs intertwined and doing nothing in particular.

BERRY VLOG - On Soulmates

Not too long ago, my sister tagged me in a post and it had to do with soulmates. Over the years, I've changed my thought process on whether soulmates are real or not. But while doing quick "research" during the filming of this vlog, I got totally stumped!

BERRY WRITES - The Best Thing About Being Partnered

I'm introducing a new segment on the blog, called BERRY WRITES. I'm sure I've mentioned more than a few times that even though I have been blogging for a few years, I don't consider myself to be a writer. It doesn't make sense, but I'm weird like that. Even when I get compliments about this blog and other pieces I've written (check out some of them here), I usually reply with very modest gratitude. In one of my recent vlogs, someone asked me if I'd consider writing a book and even though I'm still very skeptical that anyone would want to read a book by me, I am challenging myself to write more.

I got this journal a month ago with the express intention of writing everyday for 300 days. Today was the first time I wrote in it, and I intend to share some of my thoughts in this journal with you. This will be a weekly feature - on Tuesdays - and you're welcome to add your own thoughts in the comments every week :)

Why You Need Alone Time in your Relationship

Hey there!

As you all know, Cakes and I were apart for almost two months recently. His bakery still runs in Lagos, Nigeria and he went to go and check on things over there. Like I have mentioned before, he will be going back and forth between Lagos and Atlanta. For now, he's here until December so if you're in Atlanta, call 404-993-3770 to order your cakes and small chops.

Anyways, while he was away, I kept getting questions and messages that insinuated that I was probably miserable because he wasn't with me. Erm... not quite.

Tips for while you're Trying to Conceive

Trying to conceive can be a real lesson in patience. It can easily lead to depression, strife within a marriage, jealousy and more. In this vlog which I posted last week, I share 3 ways that I've been using to cope during our wait for our children. Like I said in the video, it's important to turn life's lemons into lemonade and see the good in everything.

If you or someone you know is going through this, I urge you to share the video with them :) Also, please subscribe to my Youtube Channel and let me know what else you want to see on it.

Thanks!

BERRY VLOG: Trying to Conceive/Get Pregnant

I must warn you, this video is quite raw and emotional. I have had it on my heart to speak out about trying to get pregnant for a while, but just never got around to it. I know I've shared a little here and there in my posts, but this video talks solely about our trying to conceive (TTC as they call it).

The Moment Cakes left the Friend-Zone

Cakes and I met in February or March of 2012, near the start of my NYSC year. I've told the story a few times here about how we met, but the short version is - we met at church. The longer version is the pastor said we should say hello to 5 new people, and Cakes was the first person I said hello to, I think. Well, he appeared in front of me from nowhere and introduced himself.

Even though we didn't speak again for a week afterwards, I thought he was cute and sent him a text message. He called and I think we've spoken almost everyday since then. Now, I wasn't particularly looking for a boyfriend (very looooooooooong story), so we became friends. There was an attraction, yes, but I wasn't in that head space of having a boyfriend. Before I agreed to be his girlfriend much later that year, I hadn't had an official boyfriend for 6 years! Not that there were no guys in between - there were... (maybe too many) - but nobody made it to relationship status. I was determined that my next boyfriend would be my final boyfriend.

Anyways, after a couple of months of getting to know him better, hanging out, talking on the phone, he mentioned that he had a wedding a couple of hours away. He was going as a guest and also the wedding cake designer, and he asked me to come along. I wasn't busy that weekend and agreed to go with him and his friends. The mini road trip was nice, we got to the wedding, had fun and on the drive home, he sat in the backseat with me.

Something clicked in my head and I rested my head on his shoulder (or maybe chest) and in an instant, I thought to myself, "Hmm. I think I can see him as my boyfriend." Nothing extraordinary happened, but that moment was a game changer for me.

The one photo from that day.

It still took some time for all of me to get to the point where I could agree to be his girlfriend, but I can say without a doubt, that singular moment when I rested on him was the start of #BerryandCakes.

Happy Valentine's Day!

VLOG: Husband Tag featuring Cakes

Valentine's weekend is upon us and I thought it would be a special treat to post my first vlog that features Cakes!!!

We did the Husband Tag, where I asked him some questions and it was a fun video to shoot. I hope you enjoy it and get to know a little more about Berry and Cakes!

Please Subscribe to my channel; Like and Share the video too :)

P.S. There's a BIG announcement coming up on Monday!!!

Berry and Cakes' Anniversary Date

Hiya!

How's your week going? I hope it's fine. Mine is craaaaaaaaazy busy! It's taking me so long to respond to emails and comments because work is busy as heck! As in, I have little time to play - which is why I need to have a better structure to the blog (more on that next week).

So you know that just 2 weeks ago was our anniversary but I was too sick and tired to actually go out and celebrate it. Cakes wanted us to go out to lunch, but I suggested we get small chops from church and go back home for me to sleep. We agreed to postpone the outing to a later date, and that was this past weekend! I wanted us to go somewhere a little more fancy than our regular dates, so we had dinner at Sky Lounge in Eko Hotel and Suites. I've eaten there a gajillion times with my friends, but Cakes had never been, so it was a nice opportunity for him.

Berry Good Marriage/Relationship Advice

Hello friends,

As you all know, I consider myself to be very wise and like dishing out advice to those in need and those who don't care. I've told you why using pet names is bad for you, why you shouldn't have "our song," etc. Today I'm here to tell you why you shouldn't reprimand your significant other for spending money and shopping. 

The Blogger, The Baker, and The Red Tree

I wondered how to title this post. I had a few options like

Berry, Cakes and A Red Tree

or

Actually, that was the only other option I had :p

RANDOM ALERT: Matching Underwear

Hello Boys n Girls!

I've been thinking about this for a while - I know, I know... why am I spending more than a second wondering about matching underwear? Well, because I'm me and that's what I do.

So matching underwear... you know how you see Victoria's Secret and Fredericks of Hollywood and all those ads? All the chicks are ALWAYS wearing matching bras and panties - and sometimes garters and all kinds of frilly things. They all look very nice and attractive and all of that, but my question is...

Blogger Collabo: Meet Temitope

Hola amigos!

I have a special post for you today. I e-met fellow blogger, Temitope, who blogs here. We decided to do a collaboration. But seeing as she and I live in different states, it was going to have to be virtual. Seeing as she and I have been married about the same time period, I thought it would be fun for us to trade our thoughts on being recently married.

Here are Temitope's answers to the questions, and you can find my answers on HER blog.

First of all, introduction! Tell us more about yourself.

My name is Temitope, I am a 20+ working housewife as I like to call myself,  this is because I do not have a “9-5”, I simply have a “when I wake up and a when I go to bed”, after the work in the office, I come back home and begin to work again. I have been married for almost two years; my birthday also serves as my wedding anniversary. I love God so much, I am a kingdom addict. I love to write, I find writing really therapeutic for me, when I write it’s like I’m in my own world, kind of what gave birth to my blog – beingtemitope.com,  I also love to sing and yes I am a voracious reader.

FUN FACT: She baked her wedding cakes!!! Yes TT, I Googled you :p

What has surprised you most about marriage?

Marriage, sincerely I cannot say what surprised me most because I went in with the mind set of being surprised. I knew it was impossible to know everything about your spouse no matter how long you have been dating. If there was any surprise at all, it came from me; I am surprised I stayed this long without ever running back to my parents’ house. I thought I would never be able to detach from my mum especially but I did and I am still doing, so yeah, I am surprised at myself. I give myself a big thumb up to have been able to last this long in marriage.

Do you think you have changed since you got married? If yes, in what ways?

YES!!! I have definitely changed. As a female first child growing up in a house with my siblings, cousins and extended family around, I quickly learnt how to become a boss, I was transformed by my father into a male child, I started being responsible for everybody in the house. I learnt how to drive early so I became the official driver of the house, dropping my siblings off in school, visiting them and picking them up when they close, I got any kind of phones or gadgets I wanted, I did not know how to submit, I also went to a boarding school all my secondary and university days so I was an independent, bossy, spoilt lady when I got married. With all these, I don’t think I have to tell you in what ways I had to change.

What's been the most challenging aspect of marriage for you?

Challenging, hmmm…it will be having someone in my bed, while some might consider this the interesting part of marriage, I had a hard time adapting to this especially when you have someone that rolls over to the other side of the bed, or wants to cuddle and I’m one of those people who cannot sleep in a cuddle so I will have to stay awake in the cuddle until he falls asleep and then wriggle out to my “side” of the bed to sleep, LOL…I love my sleep so falling asleep with someone else on the bed who always wanted to have physical contact was a bit challenging for me. Another thing was Cooking, I am a good cook (I think) but I hate the idea of going to the market and then come back to cook, I married a man who does not like to eat out on a daily basis, he could eat out once a week or even once a month, this  is me that does not like to cook having to cook almost every day, it was challenging and is still challenging for me but I have learnt how to balance it now especially with a job, I try to go shopping once a month and stock the house, then I cook some and store in the freezer, when I have the time on the weekends I make a fresh pot of soup. Luckily for me my husband is not like my father who has to have a fresh pot of soup almost every day, thank God we had help then. Anyways, I am still getting used to it plus Mr. T helps out too, he’s a good cook.

What's been the best thing about being married?

Everything about marriage is the best, from the arguments to the reconciliation, to the date nights to the in laws; everything is interesting and provides an avenue for you to learn a lot. So I will say the best thing about being married for me is actually being married, having someone to call your own, having someone you know is loyal to you in every way, having someone to come back home to, it’s like a feeling of ownership, knowing this person is yours and you know how to make that person smile, laugh or even cry. People used to tell me that my Mr. T (my husband) doesn’t smile or talk  in public and they wondered how I started talking to him, I told them he’s the softest talkative (if there’s anything like that) I know, I know how to get him to laugh or even get him angry. He’s like my big teddy bear. So being married in itself is the best thing for me.

Your best friend/sister/cousin is about to get married... what advice would you give her?

Marry your best friend! Marry someone you are totally in love with, marry someone who is mature, marry someone you cannot go a day without hearing his/her voice. Marriage is hard work and it is definitely not for boys or girls so make sure you are absolutely ready before you go into it. I will also say there’s really no need to rush into marriage, take your time to discover yourself, grow yourself into that person your spouse will be proud of. Do not also go into marriage with nothing in your hands, bring something into that marriage, it does not have to be financial or material; it could be intellectual, never go into marriage empty. Finally, Pray! Pray!!  Pray!!!, the power of prayers cannot be over emphasized. Battles are won on your knees.

What's your favorite resource for marriage advice/help?

The Bible first of all, secondly will be the Holy Spirit, then I love to read so I stock up on a lot of marriage books especially from Gary Chapman, I also visit his website from time to time to look for new ways to improve my marriage, finally will be my mum – I do not go telling her everything that happens – but she’s always there when there are things I do not understand and I need elderly advice. For me, it would rather be her than some random stranger or a friend who will go about telling my story to anyone who is ready to listen.

I absolutely love all her answers, and now I feel like I'm just playing in my own marriage. I berra step up my game yo! Again, to see my responses to the same questions, check out Being Temitope.