I have a special post for you today. I e-met fellow blogger, Temitope, who blogs here. We decided to do a collaboration. But seeing as she and I live in different states, it was going to have to be virtual. Seeing as she and I have been married about the same time period, I thought it would be fun for us to trade our thoughts on being recently married.
Here are Temitope's answers to the questions, and you can find my answers on HER blog.
First of all, introduction! Tell us more about yourself.
My name is Temitope, I am a 20+ working housewife as I like to call myself, this is because I do not have a “9-5”, I simply have a “when I wake up and a when I go to bed”, after the work in the office, I come back home and begin to work again. I have been married for almost two years; my birthday also serves as my wedding anniversary. I love God so much, I am a kingdom addict. I love to write, I find writing really therapeutic for me, when I write it’s like I’m in my own world, kind of what gave birth to my blog – beingtemitope.com, I also love to sing and yes I am a voracious reader.
FUN FACT: She baked her wedding cakes!!! Yes TT, I Googled you :p
What has surprised you most about marriage?
Marriage, sincerely I cannot say what surprised me most because I went in with the mind set of being surprised. I knew it was impossible to know everything about your spouse no matter how long you have been dating. If there was any surprise at all, it came from me; I am surprised I stayed this long without ever running back to my parents’ house. I thought I would never be able to detach from my mum especially but I did and I am still doing, so yeah, I am surprised at myself. I give myself a big thumb up to have been able to last this long in marriage.
Do you think you have changed since you got married? If yes, in what ways?
YES!!! I have definitely changed. As a female first child growing up in a house with my siblings, cousins and extended family around, I quickly learnt how to become a boss, I was transformed by my father into a male child, I started being responsible for everybody in the house. I learnt how to drive early so I became the official driver of the house, dropping my siblings off in school, visiting them and picking them up when they close, I got any kind of phones or gadgets I wanted, I did not know how to submit, I also went to a boarding school all my secondary and university days so I was an independent, bossy, spoilt lady when I got married. With all these, I don’t think I have to tell you in what ways I had to change.
What's been the most challenging aspect of marriage for you?
Challenging, hmmm…it will be having someone in my bed, while some might consider this the interesting part of marriage, I had a hard time adapting to this especially when you have someone that rolls over to the other side of the bed, or wants to cuddle and I’m one of those people who cannot sleep in a cuddle so I will have to stay awake in the cuddle until he falls asleep and then wriggle out to my “side” of the bed to sleep, LOL…I love my sleep so falling asleep with someone else on the bed who always wanted to have physical contact was a bit challenging for me. Another thing was Cooking, I am a good cook (I think) but I hate the idea of going to the market and then come back to cook, I married a man who does not like to eat out on a daily basis, he could eat out once a week or even once a month, this is me that does not like to cook having to cook almost every day, it was challenging and is still challenging for me but I have learnt how to balance it now especially with a job, I try to go shopping once a month and stock the house, then I cook some and store in the freezer, when I have the time on the weekends I make a fresh pot of soup. Luckily for me my husband is not like my father who has to have a fresh pot of soup almost every day, thank God we had help then. Anyways, I am still getting used to it plus Mr. T helps out too, he’s a good cook.
What's been the best thing about being married?
Everything about marriage is the best, from the arguments to the reconciliation, to the date nights to the in laws; everything is interesting and provides an avenue for you to learn a lot. So I will say the best thing about being married for me is actually being married, having someone to call your own, having someone you know is loyal to you in every way, having someone to come back home to, it’s like a feeling of ownership, knowing this person is yours and you know how to make that person smile, laugh or even cry. People used to tell me that my Mr. T (my husband) doesn’t smile or talk in public and they wondered how I started talking to him, I told them he’s the softest talkative (if there’s anything like that) I know, I know how to get him to laugh or even get him angry. He’s like my big teddy bear. So being married in itself is the best thing for me.
Your best friend/sister/cousin is about to get married... what advice would you give her?
Marry your best friend! Marry someone you are totally in love with, marry someone who is mature, marry someone you cannot go a day without hearing his/her voice. Marriage is hard work and it is definitely not for boys or girls so make sure you are absolutely ready before you go into it. I will also say there’s really no need to rush into marriage, take your time to discover yourself, grow yourself into that person your spouse will be proud of. Do not also go into marriage with nothing in your hands, bring something into that marriage, it does not have to be financial or material; it could be intellectual, never go into marriage empty. Finally, Pray! Pray!! Pray!!!, the power of prayers cannot be over emphasized. Battles are won on your knees.
What's your favorite resource for marriage advice/help?
The Bible first of all, secondly will be the Holy Spirit, then I love to read so I stock up on a lot of marriage books especially from Gary Chapman, I also visit his website from time to time to look for new ways to improve my marriage, finally will be my mum – I do not go telling her everything that happens – but she’s always there when there are things I do not understand and I need elderly advice. For me, it would rather be her than some random stranger or a friend who will go about telling my story to anyone who is ready to listen.
I absolutely love all her answers, and now I feel like I'm just playing in my own marriage. I berra step up my game yo! Again, to see my responses to the same questions, check out Being Temitope.