November 9, 2020

My First Voting Experience

 Yoooooooooooo, did I really forget to announce that I became a US citizen in January of this year here?!?!? UGH! Instagram gets all the announcements and I know I'm the one that forgets to come here and post, but still!!! I'm so sorry everyone. And tomorrow, I'll be there wondering, "What should I post on the blog?" Ndo o. Mi dispiace!

October 10, 2020

Getting to Know Berry Dakara

Hey y'all!

How are ya? I hope you're doing fine and dandy. 

I'm here today to tell you about my recent guest features on 2 podcasts (and a bonus one). I haven't been regular with blogging, but I have been pretty consistent in the podcasting space. My podcast, Mommy Oyoyo is gaining traction and if you haven't yet listened to an episode, I'd say you should check out the very first one to hear why I started the podcast. BUT for the purpose of getting to know Berry 2.0 a little better, I'd like to share these podcast episodes I featured on below :). You can listen while exercising, cleaning, working, relaxing, watching the kids, cooking, fixing the car, running general errands - the list is endless!

1. SEX DURING/AFTER DIVORCE featuring Berry Dakara on the I AM AFRICAN PODCAST hosted by Verastic

Vera and I are just two mad women who stay laughing and making jokes about everything! The feedback I've received from people who have listened range from, "OMG Berry, you and Vera are hilarious!" to "I've just been laughing since I started listening," to "It was very inspiring to hear 2 Nigerian women speak so openly about divorce, and in a light-hearted manner." So, I implore you to listen if you'd like to be entertained by both of us as we share our thoughts on sex during and after divorce.

2. FREEDOM TO COME HOME featuring Berry Dakara on the SHE SPEAKS BOUGIE PODCAST hosted by Tennielle Clark

I met Tennielle at this event in 2016 and we bonded instantly that day. Over the years, even though she moved to a different state, we have kept up with each other via texts and Instagram. She has a wonderful podcast that aims to celebrate black women. I was pleased when she reached out to me to feature on her podcast and talk about the freedom to be an adult while still living in my parents' house. I was pretty open (what else is new) and covered motherhood, divorce, my relationship with my parents and finding myself again as a woman, as the Berry you all know and hopefully love.

3. SINGLE MOM LIFE featuring Berry Dakara on the MOMMY OYOYO PODCAST hosted by ME!

I wasn't quite sure about adding this link/episode to this blog post, but hey, why not? In the latest episode of the podcast (which is close to 10,000 listens), I shared what being a single mother has been like for me so far. I know not everyone will be happy about some of the things I say, but as I mentioned in the episode, it's not my intent to make anyone look bad - I just stated the situation as it's been.

If you listen to any of these episodes, please let me know. I'm open to hearing feedback (positive and constructive) from you. 

Have a great weekend!

September 28, 2020

Visit Catalina Island, California

It's been a while since I put up a travel post, hasn't it? The last time I posted anything travel-related was in January, from last year's Girls Trip to Las Vegas. Funny enough, that was my first real holiday/trip without Coco - same as this trip. I am an advocate for taking time off from parenting once in a while, and focusing on just having fun sans kids. It can be tricky as a single mother, but I thank God for a great support system at home. Coco was with my cousin and her kids for the most part, and her father had her for a little bit. This post is pretty photo-heavy as Catalina is absolutely beautiful, but I will share a little bit about the trip.

August 25, 2020

What Next?

Hello there!!!

I fully planned on putting up another blog post shortly after the last one (where I mentioned, my daughter's father and I are heading towards divorce). I put up that post a day or two before I had pre-determined to take July off. To be honest, I didn't anticipate the response the announcement would get. I got a little overwhelmed and I apologize for not responding to the comments and some emails [yet]. I promise to get to them. 

June 29, 2020

Is this My Life?

Nobody gets married thinking that they'll get divorced. Well, MOST people, cos let's face it there are arrangee marriages out there and just mean people too. But if anyone had told me that I would be facing the end of a marriage, I would have laughed at them. Like how? I purposely refused to have a boyfriend for 6 years before I met my soon-to-be ex-husband because I didn't want to keep dating. I had promised myself that when I had a boyfriend again, he would be the person I would end up marrying and divorce was certainly not an option for me. But life happens. 

I'm not sure if you guys noticed when this blog's slogan changed from "The Sweet Life|Style of Berry Dakara" to "Real Life Happens." I think by that point, everything had started unraveling. But I still hoped. I still prayed. I still fasted.

When everyone congratulated me for snapping back after having Coco, what they didn't know was that I had stopped eating. I fasted for months, begging and pleading and crying to God to please just fix things. I wailed. I threatened. I did things that I would never have thought myself capable of doing. I made poor decisions. I did things that no "good" Christian should do. 

It has been a hard 3 years. Actually I should say 4 years although "he" might say it was the entire marriage (at least that's what I've heard has been said about me). You don't think that you could ever hate someone you once loved and vice versa. You don't think that you would ever be in the circumstance of having to raise a child separately... a child that you both prayed TOGETHER for. 

I lost myself. After Coco was born up until 2019 was a blur. I lost weight. I gained weight (that I'm now struggling to lose again, UGH!). I don't know how many months I spent crying daily. Imagine having a newborn and spiraling into depression over your failing marriage. Imagine having to send a message to Bella Naija to please remove the features of your engagement and wedding. Imagine having to little by little, inform your family and friends that your marriage is over. Sometimes I  think people must be laughing at me... People are probably saying "is it not her that wanted a beach wedding?" People whispering about you... based on their own assumptions or false/incomplete information that has been spread about you.

I once thought about getting into my car with the garage door closed and turning the car on. A few times I wished a truck would run into me so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain anymore. It's been more than exhausting for the past 3 years. I have been strained mentally (thank God for therapy and my friend who paid for 6 months worth), financially (thank God for family, friends, Clever Girl Finance and God himself for provision), emotionally (again Thank God for therapy, friends and family), physically (I need to take better care of myself), etc.

I had a crisis of faith. Yes, I stopped believing that God answers prayers, which is ironic because my name literally means God answers prayers. I felt abandoned. I felt forgotten. I felt unforgiven. I felt discarded. I still struggle now spiritually if I'm being perfectly honest. Sometimes I ask what's the point of praying for one thing or another when the one thing I begged for for 2.5 years wasn't granted. I'm still struggling.

Life happens.

To everyone who has been there for me, and for my most beautiful child, thank you. To God, I know you're out there and I want to come back and feel loved again. To the dreams I had with my daughter's father, I'm letting go now. 

I will be fine. My daughter will be fine. I'm already on the road to recovery. I thank God in advance for my complete restoration (first my faith and relationship with Him before anything else please).

Thank you to everyone who has followed me for years. If you're disappointed, I understand. But LIFE HAPPENS. 

God bless.

P.S. I fully and firmly believe it takes two people when a marriage or relationship or even a friendship breaks down. Nobody's perfect and people make mistakes... some people can forgive easier than others and others reserve the right to either not forgive, or to forgive but not continue with the relationship. 

P.P.S. There's typically more than one side to every story. 

P.P.P.S Some people may read this post and say that I'm inferring to be the/a victim in the ending of our marriage. I fully contributed to the end... however, that does not mean I didn't (or still don't) feel pain. Divorce sucks! It is the most painful thing anyone can experience, and to do it with a newborn is worse. I would not wish the kind of pain I went through on anyone... you included if you're reading this (you know who you are). I would say that it has been an equally painful process for my daughter's father but I do not speak for him.