January 26, 2017

30 and Unmarried - Part 2

As I was saying in my previous post, my family members were very worried about me because I was quickly approaching 30, unmarried, and didn't seem to care. And truthfully, I really didn't care that much. I knew I would get married eventually, but I wasn't on a timetable. Yeah, it probably helped that there were different guys along the way, so I was preoccupied anyways *hides face.* But the bottom line is that I wasn't sitting somewhere, wallowing and waiting for my life to start, because I did have a life!


In fact, after a silly breakup  a few days before my 24th or 25th birthday, I promised myself that the next person I acknowledged as my BOYFRIEND, would be the person that I would marry. That actually held true sha, even in the midst of the different guys that I "talked to" through the years. I just didn't want to settle and end up miserable. There were a few guys before Cakes that I honestly could have potentially married, but there was always something off. One guy's parents seemed to like me more than he himself liked me. BUH-BYE! Another one was a divorcee and wasn't sure he ever wanted to get married again. PEACE OUT! Others were just using me to play - and I stupidly allowed them. RUNNING FAR AWAY!!! At the end of the day though, even though I liked (and even loved), settling was not going to be an option for me. I just wasn't desperate.

Some women see marriage as the ultimate goal in life. I can't knock you if that's been your dream. But my question is, if that's your dream, why settle just because you're advancing in age? Why live your life as if you're incomplete without your future husband? Why wallow in self-pity? Let God guide you to someone who will be a great match for you.

I'm happy I didn't settle just because I was 30 and unmarried. I can tell you that all my family members who were worried and wanted me to marry random people, all LOVE Cakes! My mum even tells me to thank God for him, because she doesn't know how many guys would have been able to manage my randomness (hehe).

Listen, we are all beautiful in our own way. Show off your beauty and live your life like someone who is complete (God should be the one to complete you anyways). Do the things that you enjoy! Develop yourself! Take a course here or there! Travel! Learn how to manage money (you might need this even more after you get married - trust me!). LIVE YOUR LIFE! Life's too short to be stuck in a marriage because you felt too old and decided to settle. If anybody gives you any wahala, tell them Berry said they should leave you alone.

27 comments:

  1. Arming myself with the last sentence.
    Lol

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    1. Yes o. And Cakes knows karate and he'll just massacre them with his eyelash!

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  2. I like your blog always straightforward I'm one of that example in my early 30's single not rushing, we all got those aunti's that won't let you be singing to your ear go and get marry, marriage ain't achievement, have seems some couples unhappy covering up as if everything is okay, i just pray for peace of mind & the best.

    LUV from H-town

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    1. Heeeeeeeeey, Cakes was in Houston the other week o! And he made small chops there - chai, I would have told you to get some.

      Anyways, your entire life is too valuable to waste it on a mediocre marriage that you enter because you're over a certain age. All those aunties will not be in the marriage with you.

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  3. Thank you for this Berry. Sending a truckload of kisses.

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  4. I love it - develop yourself, have fun and like your grandma did, Pray! The pressure is crazy and sadly not everyone is strong enough to wait for the right person. That's why it's important to hear this message over and over.

    www.adabeauty.com.ng

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    1. Yup, do everything you can. Marriage is great, but once you get into it, every thing becomes about you and your spouse. So the time you have to yourself, make the best of it!

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  5. So glad you wrote about this. The pressure to "have someone" and be married once you cross 24 is ridiculous. I'm 27, and there's no insult I haven't heard because I'm not in a relationship that's going anywhere.

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    1. They'll be very okay please. Its not by force abeg. Look at the number of broken marriages out there.

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  6. Glad for you. I'm also very glad I didn't settle, and chose to wait. I don't regret my choice at all.

    HOW POWERFUL IS AFRICAN JAZZ, REALLY?

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  7. Preach! I have a cousin who right now is putting up with rubbish behavior from a man cos she feels she's getting older and also she's had a failed engagement (marriage sef since the guy had already paid bride price before she changed her mind) and she doesn't want people to talk. We are all giving her the example of another cousin that is older than all of us, past 30,who is getting married this after all the talk about how she's too old. So she should not be scared. Man will still come. Anytime I hear of a bride that is aged 30 and above, I get especially excited. I just feel as if they didn't settle, took their time, and got the best. Whether it's true or not. Good one Berry.

    Mitchell

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    1. Thanks Mitchell. Your cousin shouldn't fret. It will happen in due time. She shouldn't rush into something just because of the title of Mrs.

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  8. Preach! I have a cousin who right now is putting up with rubbish behavior from a man cos she feels she's getting older and also she's had a failed engagement (marriage sef since the guy had already paid bride price before she changed her mind) and she doesn't want people to talk. We are all giving her the example of another cousin that is older than all of us, past 30, who is getting married this year after all the talk about how she's too old. So she should not be scared. Man will still come. Anytime I hear of a bride that is aged 30 and above, I get especially excited. I just feel as if they didn't settle, took their time, and got the best. Whether it's true or not. Lol. Good one Berry.

    Mitchell

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  9. nice soothing writeup..LOL! at the last part and the reply to the first comment. i loooove your blog..alot to learn from and be encouraged from

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    1. Thanks a lot Mma. I'm glad you like it.

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  10. I enjoyed every bit of this post.This is really what I needed presently.Thanks for this berry

    www.liveinibadan.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Emete. I'm happy it spoke to you.

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  11. So glad i came across this post. Thanks Berry for such a magnificient write up. Family members are like "when should we be expecting...", some people will say "we thought by now your wedding cards will be scattered all over the place" and others will say "wuna di find wuna own na which kind massa them nor weh wuna nova yet see am?". Sometimes, it really gets frustrating my dear. Thank God for u. Berry said "u people should leave me alone..."hahahaha

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    1. You're very welcome. Also tell them Cakes knows karate and he'll beat them too.

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  12. The wisdom you have shared here! Oya chop knuckle!!!!

    I was saying to a friend sometimes folk dwell on their singleness because they are not busy! Like you said work on developing yourself!!!!

    May those waiting for their Adam never settle for less but trust God that he is able!!!!!

    Thanks for sharing this!!!!

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    1. Thanks Rae. And I do pray for my single friends that God brings their partners to them. I maintain that if getting married is important to you, then God knows it and He will make it happen when the time is right. But until then, become the best version of yourself. Don't even do it for your future husband. Do it for yourself!

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Reading your comments ALWAYS makes me smile. I hope you smile when I reply :)