March 10, 2016

How to Be Single

Hi everyone,

Cakes and I went on an impromptu date a few weeks ago, and the 2 movie options were Deadpool and How to Be Single. I feel like most times we go to the movies, we end up watching an action film, so I really wanted to watch a chick flick. When I was single (pun intended), I mostly watched Chick Flicks, Rom-Coms, and ALWAYS Superhero movies. In this instance though, I wanted to go for something light and funny, so How to Be Single was the choice. It wasn't a bad movie - there was laughter in some scenes. However, I didn't know it was rated R - there was A LOT of random hooking up (sex o) and F-bombs everywhere. That aside. it made me think about my life before I met Cakes.
berry dakara, how to be single

In our culture, there's a pressure on females to start looking for husbands once they turn 20, or are getting ready to graduate from university. I certainly felt that pressure and in fact, fasting and prayer sessions were held on my behalf once I turned 25 with no Mr Right in sight. I didn't see what all the fuss was about. I knew I would get married eventually, so I just wasn't interested in the jumping up and down. I didn't meet Cakes until 2/3 months before my 30th birthday and we got married when I was 31. And no, I wasn't worried that while turning 30, I didn't have a boyfriend. So what? I was enjoying my life. I went out to different restaurants BY MYSELF, watched movies BY MYSELF, even wanted to travel by myself (but my family's concern for safety overshadowed that plan). One of my biggest regrets is that I was not "allowed" to live on my own. I cried and argued and begged but the powers-that-be (Mummy and Daddy) dissuaded me. All I know is my future daughter(s) WILL live in their own apartment. Anyway, the point is that I was having fun as a single gal.

berry dakara, how to be single

Too many females today are living their lives in a substandard manner, with the excuse of "I'm not married." They say when they get married then their lives will be complete. When they get married they'll be happy. When they get married, this or that will happen... I'm here to tell them (or you) to STOP!

Stop waiting for life to happen to you! Discover yourself, date yourself, and do the things that interest YOU! You don't need to wait for a life-mate to enjoy yourself. You like cooking? Cook up a storm and invite your friends over. You like dancing? Turn on some music and dance like nobody's watching! You like watching movies? Hey, no date means you can concentrate on the movie completely. You like to travel? Go on a group tour or trip - there are quite a number in Nigeria now. The possibilities are endless! The way to be single is to DO YOU, ENJOY YOURSELF, LIVE YOUR LIFE!

berry dakara, how to be single

45 comments:

  1. When I went for NYSC to be honest I was kinda worried cos I had no boyfriend, I went back for my masters a year after NYSC and I loved my single life. I schooled away from my family, so I was allowed to get my own place, oh I had a lot of fun,I traveled a lot too. OMG, I remember d craziest of them all, we did 4 European countries by train and slept in hostels. I met my hubby at 26yrs and I tried pushing our wedding further because I was really enjoying my life. Singles, pls enjoy ur life and don't be pressurized. No one should limit u and d best part is u can serve God in full capacity. Now that am married with kids, it's been difficult to serve in Church.

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    1. Ooooh, I'm so jealous of the Euro-trip! That would have been me to a T!

      Suggestion - You can serve in the Children's Ministry at church, and commit to once or twice a month so that you don't feel overwhelmed. That's what my sister does.

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  2. Thanks for the review of How to be single Berry. I'd been wanting to see it for a while but I've never met its timing. One of those days, i met and saw Deadpool. Its still on my to watch list but now knowing that its R rated, well, we'll see...

    Its funny how we are quite alike. I was really interested in coming for the mini hangout but i couldn't make it. How did it go?

    I was just introduced to a guy 3 months ago and im turning 30 in 3 months time. We haven't had the marriage discussion but we are gradually crossing that friendship into relationship line and its all going seemingly good. I am enjoying my life. Its easy for people to say i may be too choosy, I have high standards and expect too much and that im too independent and intimidate guys (even when i wasn't working and wasn't driving). I really don't understand if im expected to sit and sulk till there's a ring on my finger.

    I go to the movies BY MYSELF, I go out to restaurants BY MYSELF, I have travelled by myself. And just like you, the powers that be haven't allowed me to live on my own.

    The only thing I know is that it will all turn out well in the end.

    How's Atlanta?

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    1. Hey Eny. I mean, it was a nice-ish movie sha.

      I had to cancel the hangout o. Stress wanted to rubbish me.

      Ooooh, a guy *wink wink* For real sha, just keep on living and enjoying your life. I think it makes you even more attractive because you're confident and happy on your own. Sulk for what? If you sulk because you don't have one thing, you'll be sulking for the rest of your life because you don't have other things.

      Like you, I knew I would be fine in the end.

      Atlanta is nice... I'll put up a post or video soon about what it's like to be back.

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  3. Movies by MYSELF make people look at me odd when i say I'm going to the cinemas but I don't 'curr'. Travelling, oh yes! started that last year but on hold this time till later in the year cause of studies (professional course)then I'm kicking up a storm in Zanzibar by God's grace. Living by MYSELF is a discussion I cannot bring up unless I want family meeting called on my behalf. In all, I'm not existing but living and having a ball.

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    1. Queen Hawt and Spicey, HAVE FUN!!! Gather lifetime memories like you're doing. You'll even have more to gist about when you meet him, and for your future kids. Ball in Zanzibar for me biko!

      Lol @ family meeting! The funny thing was my dad was fine with the idea, mummy not so much. Plus Cakes sided with my mum, and they convinced my dad. See cry enh! I refused to talk to Cakes for a couple of days. I needed to mourn my lost independence :p

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  4. First time commenting here. I had this discussion with my colleague this morning about this topic. Her opinion was one starts life when they get married. I totally disagreed. One of the best decisions I have made was moving out and getting an apartment of my own. Last year, I decided to not let the fact I was single stop me from living my life. I went to movies BY MYSELF, shows BY MYSELF, and travelled BY MYSELF..best experience ever! In a relationship now, but I am still all about having new experiences ALONE or with the boyfriend.

    Love your blog Berry!

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    1. Hi Yuyu! Thanks for commenting. And like you, I disagree with your coworker. Life doesn't begin when you get married. What about those people who are trapped in unhappy marriages? No o. I think young women need to realize that a husband doesn't complete them; he complements them. Any completion comes from God.

      I like your outlook!

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  5. Berry thank you for the advice. I have learnt to enjoy my life as single. I go to movies and restaurants by MYSELF (although the disadvantage is i am almost always approached by random guys *sigh*).
    At Eny if you have not watched deadpool and you plan to brace yourself. Think a combo of the wackiness of teenage mutant turtle+ hey dude where's my car+ cussing+violence+ wicked humor. The movie is not your typical super hero movie oh.
    But really I think the way single ladies are treated is really unfair. The pressure is just ridiculous. I once saw a tweet from kemi Atiba complaining bout how a restaurant did not allow her in cos she was single!!! imagine!!!. God is our strength oh

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    1. I have watched Deadpool. The "combo of the wackiness of teenage mutant turtle+ hey dude where's my car+ cussing+violence+ wicked humor" description fits perfectly! =D

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    2. LOL @ being approached by random guys, Bunmi. Hey, it doesn't hurt to be appreciated, right?

      Meanwhile, I watched Deadpool too. And I was even less prepared for it. I didn't know it was rated R, and I was SHOCKED! But I thoroughly enjoyed it sha :p

      I heard about Spice Route and Kemi Adetiba, and she's not the only person it has happened to. A few other females have said they are refused service if they go alone to some places in Lagos. I think it's so wrong. Just cos a girl is single doesn't mean she's a prostitute.

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  6. I love this post and can totally relate. I enjoy both being single and being in a relationship. Nothing fazes me either way. In fact I do more stuff being single. My to do list is to travel alone or with a girlfriend. Running a program now so that's on hold.

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    1. Traveling with your girlfriends is so much fun!!! Some of my favorite memories are from when my sister, cousins and I traveled during college. From road trips to flights - the fun we had was a lot!!!

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  7. God bless you a gazillion times for this post. Ahan! Girls be tensioning themselves upandan the place all in the name of relationship and marriage instead of 'finding' and enjoying themselves now that they can.

    Epiphany29.com
    Double Dose Of Olive Goodness

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    1. As in! By the time husband comes, that random Ghana trip you want to go on will be a topic of discussion. There's a certain freedom that goes along with single-dom. Abeg, enjoy your life.

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  8. God knows I enjoyed, and am still enjoying my single life. The best part is the part that I can just leave the country anytime without blinking, and come back 3 weeks later without an explanation. Dazz the life mehhnnn.

    InterTribal Marriage can get you into trouble

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    1. AS IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chai, just carry bag and passport and say "See you lerra." Imagine me trying that with Cakes :p

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  9. Exactly! Why are we ladies in a hurry. When you rush life, you don't get to really enjoy the beautiful things in life. BF or husband shouldn't make you sweat too much. Everyone is doing it (yes it's a beautiful thing not to be single) but how about you do it differently, live and let live.
    Lovely post, Berry.

    BeautifullyJune Blog 

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    1. Exactly. I think that every phase in life should be enjoyed. Yes, they all have their shortcomings, but it's important to life your life in the season that you're in.

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  10. To be honest, there are days when I miss being single. The period after university and before marriage is probably my favourite part of my life. I had my own job, apartment and a very happening social life. Sure being married is great. But for an adventure lover like me I just can't help but miss the roller coaster of the single life. P.s. When I was single it was all I can't wait to get married, so yeah! There you go. Grass is greener type stuff.

    Can't wait to watch this movie! I bet it'll be like bridesmaid.

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    1. GIRL, YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's after you get married, you begin to appreciate the freedom and independence of single life. Ah well.

      Bridesmaids is easily one of my favorite movies ever!

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  11. I wish all women understood this!

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  12. Gosh this is such a timely post. Lately I've been feeling like there's something wrong with me because I'm not in a relationship and the truth is I need to learn how to just enjoy myself and my own company.

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    1. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If you allow yourself to believe that, it will just be a dangerous cycle. Honestly, sometimes the thought crosses my mind because I'm still waiting for children, but the truth is there's nothing wrong with me. Why get yourself depressed waiting for the future and allowing the present to pass you by?

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  13. I am so so glad I enjoyed my singlehood to the fullest plus I had a good job and lived alone faar from family...miss those days but no regrets at all. I learnt early in life to enjoy EVERY phase. enjoying being a MRS now

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    1. AMEN TO THAT! Anonymous, nyem aka! High five for you!

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  14. Being single is everything!! you get to hang out with friends and get badly behaved... like stand up in a restaurant and dance LOL

    Imagine you are on a date lol Totally love this post!

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    1. BUAHAHAHAHA. I was not there by that time if the table breaks o. I wasn't even in the restaurant :p

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  15. This post is everything. Women really need to constantly remind themselves that... It is not how far, it is how well. Because of societal pressures we tend to try to do what others(family,friends&society) want before doing "US" first. All that matters is your happiness. DO YOU!

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    1. The pressure of society can really make someone go mad. You have to look within and above (to God) or else!

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  16. oh girl I totally LOVEEEE this post! My year away from my parents (Masters) is still the most memorable year of my life. I was on my own, single and LIVING, not just existing. I made awesome friends from across the globe who are still one of my closest friends and we had a GOOD GOOD time! We traveled, explored, learnt new things about each others cultures e.t.c. I really miss those days :(.

    www.naijanomads.com

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    1. I love love love that! Especially the traveling and experiencing/sharing cultures. It's something I think everyone should do, if the opportunity arises.

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  17. I really love how you wrote this post and I agree everyone should live life to the fullest when they are single because life after marriage and kids is serious business!

    www.wurassecrethair.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Tonkabelle! Marriage and motherhood are definitely serious! I'm here in Atlanta just looking at my sister and her children - you mothers are strong o.

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  18. Hold on, hold on... I'm really surprised at this day is age parents insist their matured daughters don't live alone. Too many comments are appearing about 'the powers that be' and all that. As an adult, make your own decisions!!!

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    1. Yes o. Even me that can be stubborn. My mum said you go from your father's house to your husband's house, unless you live in a different city/country.

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  19. Berry I totally love this post and I am sharing ASAP on my blog...lesson to be learnt plenty inside..hehe

    www.mylifeasmoby.com

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  20. Halo Berry!!! How're you? Been a while. Nice to see ya settled in Atlanta. :)

    This post of yours stirred me deeply. I cannot account for 10years outta my life thanks to being fixated on getting married. The bitter experiences. Mehn..."it is well".
    So right now I'm in nooo hurry to get married. Yes loneliness sucks. But I give myself permission to live my life purposefully NOW.

    When marriage finally happens, le beau would know he married the right bae! And vice versa. ;)

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    1. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!! That's the kind of attitude I like to see. If you keep yourself down and miserable because you're looking for a partner, life can fly by before your eyes.

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  21. Hello Berry,
    This is the first time am visiting your blog. Have always love to to live alone at least for a while before marriage set in and that i did but mine almost ended as a disaster. I got carried away by too many friends (guys) and i lost my relationship. Now i try not to live in regret but i have learnt my lesson, i will pass it on my kids especially my female daughter. Thanks so much for the post and i must say i enjoy every bit of your blog. Keep it up, God bless you and grant you your desire.

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    1. Thanks a lot. I like your perspective of living alone. As in, I like the lesson learnt. While it's nice to live on your own, it's also important to be conscious of who you let into your space.

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Reading your comments ALWAYS makes me smile. I hope you smile when I reply :)