Can I just say that I needed this 2-day holiday that just passed?! It was soooooo necessary for life! I have to say though, that seeing ram heads all over the place kinda freaked me out. I was driving in my neighborhood and at one house, they had just cut off the ram's head and you could see the blood and everything. BLECH! I'v never celebrated Sallah. I've never had muslim friends, so I don't get the whole "Sallah meat" frenzy. I'm not saying it to be snarky or snooty. I'd say the same thing about Chinese New Year or Hanukkah. I actually asked my friend if Sallah celebration is like Christmas. Anyway, I know you're wondering what my confession is, so let me stop rambling.
The following conversation occurred at church one day...
Usher: Hey Berry.
Me: Oh hey, how are you?
Usher: You know people say you're a snob, right?
Me: ENH? *confused and totally surprised*
Usher: Yeah, I've heard on more than one occasion that you're a snob and you don't talk to people.
Me: *frantically scanning my memory to find out if I'd been rude to anyone or blanked someone*
Usher: I just thought you should know
Me: Well, okay. #1. You don't just say stuff like that out of the blue. #2. Who are these people? #3. If you must know, and you can feel free to share the information with said people, I'm innately a VERY SHY person. If you came to my secondary school to look for me, the way I was described was "the dark, skinny, quiet girl." So please, the next time someone feels the need to tell you that I'm a snob, tell them that I'm shy, quiet and reserved when I don't know someone well enough.
I won't even lie, his comment made me feel very hurt. I felt like people were judging me without knowing who I am. I complained to Cakes, and he said one or two people had said the same thing to him. That they've tried to reach out and be my friend, but that I have a wall up and don't let people in (true to some extent).
Here's the thing. I'm generally friendly. I will smile and laugh with almost anyone. At the same time, I can be very very shy. It takes a lot of effort for me to go and start a conversation with a stranger. Chances are that I would think about it in my head for 30+ minutes before saying hello. In addition, I feel like at my age, most females already have their established friendships and it's harder to break into a circle of friends. It's one thing if you already have something in common and have been acquaintances for a while. It's another thing to automatically become friends with someone, if you haven't had a substantial conversation to find out if you have anything in common. (I want to break off and talk about female vs male friends but that's a loooooooong topic, so I'll address it another time)
In summary, yes, I confess to having a wall up. BUT it doesn't take too much to push through the wall. You don't even need to push, actually. You can huff, puff, and blow the wall down with a simple 5-minute conversation. I, obviously though, have to do more to NOT have a seemingly snobby attitude.
Conclusion: If you're in the same church as I am, and you feel that I snubbed you at any point in time, SAWRRRYYYYYYYYYY O! I didn't mean to. Chances are that I was hungry and you didn't have a snack to feed me :p