July 19, 2018

Why I Have Not Been Blogging

Who remembers the days when I used to churn out at least 4 or 5 posts every week on this blog? I remember the years when my total number of blog posts throughout the year topped 200 (see my recaps in 2014 and 2015)! I don't know if I'll say that was the peak of my blogging, but it really seemed like the sky was the limit at the time. I think that living in Nigeria kinda fostered my creativity, as there were a lot of events to go to (that helped me learn how to churn out multiple posts from one outing). I was definitely in my comfort zone blogging-wise, and then I moved back to Atlanta.

A post shared by Berry Dakara (@berrydakara) on

I hoped that moving back here would still afford me the same level of creativity, even though there were changes to be expected. For instance, I live pretty far away from midtown/downtown and my work schedule doesn't allow me to attend the kind of events that other bloggers here attend. Even putting up style posts weren't as much as I'd like since my marriage had now become long-distance and I didn't have anyone to photograph me - my brother does on occasion, but it's not at all I thought maybe visiting different sights and Discovering Georgia would work - those didn't draw the large numbers that I hoped they would. As time went on, I got less and less inspired.

Then Cocoa came, and a part of me hoped that I would go full drive into Mummy Blogger mode, even though I know I don't want to be a "mummy blogger" - I'm just a blogger who happens to be a mum. I didn't think about how tiring being a full-time working mother would be. I know there are those who have children, work, and also create content easily, but my personal time-management skills need brushing up BIG TIME. It doesn't help that our Sleep Training attempts were a bust (I still want to share this at some point).

The biggest challenge to blogging though (aside from time management and quite frankly being tired all the time) is that I've been going through some personal challenges. These challenges have weighed me down more than I could have ever imagined. I have spent a lot of time fasting, praying, NOT praying at all because I've been angry at God and not understanding why my prayers are not being answered (see my post on Faith and Plan B), crying my eyes and heart out, trying hard not to succumb to depression (I need to take advantage of mental health opportunities from my medical insurance actually).

Basically, life has just been a series of downs. Don't get me wrong - there are things I thank God for - Cocoa being the number one and her loving father Cakes, having great health, an income that can pay the few bills I have, among other things. What I thought would have been the sweetest year of my life has been VERY bittersweet. I struggle with being grateful for what I have, and being truthful and authentic about my challenges.
I've been asked about whether I plan to return to blogging/Youtube. I do think about it a few times a week - there are things I want to post or talk about - but I remember how and why I started this blog. I started it to share my life, and for a long time there, my life seemed to be quite happy and entertaining. Now my life has this cloud over it and I feel like I would be doing you a disservice if a lot of my posts are not as happy-go-lucky as they used to be. I don't want to fake post and pretend everything is fine - it's just not. If you notice my blog caption went from "The Berry Sweet Life|Style" to "Real Life Happens."

Unfortunately, I'm not in a place where I can speak about what my challenges are, so all I can ask for are your continued prayers for strength, peace and provision over our lives. I think about you guys all the time, and like I shared on Instagram, Cocoa and I pray for all our e-aunties and e-uncles at bedtime.

I know I'm going to try posting more regularly, especially as Cocoa starts daycare soon, so I should have a little bit more time to myself. I hope you have a nice weekend. God bless.

37 comments:

  1. Love you Berry, Cakes and our sweet Cocoa... I'm praying for you here. May God answer our prayers... Quickly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much. Amen - and to the quickly too!

      Delete
  2. welcome back dear
    such a lovely post
    thank you for sharing dear
    https://www.melodyjacob.com/2018/07/easy-ways-to-lose-weight-during-summer.html

    ReplyDelete
  3. I pray that one day you look back st this trying time and see it as a blessing. Baby Cocoa is lucky to have you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's learning time for me, so that's a blessing I guess. I just wish it wasn't such a hard lesson.

      Delete
  4. Life happens, real life does happen and it can shake you from head to toe but hang in there berry and Jehovah grant you the desires of your heart (Ps. 37:4).

    ReplyDelete
  5. I completely understand losing motivation to post as your life’s circumstances change. The most difficult thing to do when going through major challenges/changes is keeping up motivation.
    I hope the phase passes soon and that you share the gift that God has called you to. It might not be through blogging, it might be through something else. I hope you find it.
    Love u and my love to Cocoa and Cakes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, being motivated to do more than just wake up and breathe has been quite tough. But I also hope I can share my lessons some day.

      Thanks for your encouragement. Love!

      Delete
  6. We miss you Berry. Hope everything gets better!

    ReplyDelete
  7. All in all...never forget....Yahweh loves you and is actually FOR you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Awww, Keep your head up and don’t feel bad if you need to take a break. This too shall pass ����‍♀️����‍♀️����‍♀️������

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks for sharing and praying for you - whatever you’re going through just hang in there and come out stronger and wiser for it. God will see you through.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hang in there darling. I am praying for you. Lots of love.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I had a pretty rough year last year. We struggled with a lot of things,I lost so much weight but one thing that pulled me through those dark times was God's overwhelming love for me and my Lil nuclear family. By January this year God showed up big time and rescued us. Berry hang in there and never ever doubt God and what he can do,keep believing and trusting him even when it seems or feels impossible. He will rescue you and show you immense love all round. You are in my prayers and may God's arm of love continually embrace you. It is well!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh wow, thank God He came through for you and your family. At the back of my mind, I know He's been with me through everything, but the front of my mind has felt lost and abandoned at various points. I know we'll be fine.

      Thanks and lots of love your way.

      Delete
  12. We love you Berry. God is within you, you shall not fail.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Babe,

    I, of all people, KNOW the struggle of having challenges and just being depleted. Not wanting to write or wanting to write but not being able to write what you really want to write. Yeah, I get the struggle. Take all the time you need, dear. You cannot come and die. We'll be here waiting. And as my own Sweet Potatoes have shown me mad love during this difficult time, I know your own readers (myself included) will be waiting for you. Take your time. Cry when you need to. Splurge when you need to. Eat a bucket of ice cream when you need to. Pray to God. Yell at Him. And even when it doesn't feel like He's there, He really is. One of my favorite verses that has been helping me is Isaiah 43:2 "When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned; the flames will not consume you." Berry, you will be fine. Even if it doesn't feel like it, it is already well with you. ***HUGS***

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Verastilicious. I owe you a call! That verse has been on my mind at several points too - especially when I feel alone - I try to remember that deep waters and fire are a real part of life, but that God is with me through it all.

      Delete
  14. Berry, all will be well. Take as much time as you need, you have loyal followers and we love you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Amaka - for the comment and the private pep talk!

      Delete
  15. Stay strong Berry! Cheers and welcome back.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Gul...it is OK! Take your time! Let the Lord heal ya, baby girl! We still love you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Praying hard for you. Thanks for being so open and I Can’t wait to see you come through on the other side. Massive e-hugs. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot Belle! I appreciate it :)

      Delete
  18. Thank you for your honesty! I just recently returned to blogging after a long period of feeling depressed and not having any inspiration to do anything. I think reading this post made me realise why I started blogging. It was honest people like yourself that created such a beautiful energy for us all to feel vulnerable enough to not only share our ups but also our downs. These days we are always bombarded with posts that lack honesty and authenticity so thank you so very much for this post!

    https://anicheberry.blogspot.com/2018/08/new-beginnings.html?showComment=1533198438059#c4560984971527348739

    ReplyDelete

Reading your comments ALWAYS makes me smile. I hope you smile when I reply :)