July 29, 2018

It is Well... Or is it?

Hey there,

Thanks for the love I got from my last post, where I shared why I haven't been blogging. The comments, the calls, emails and DMs were almost overwhelming - I actually cried while reading and responding to some of them. It's reassuring to know that there are people out there who have love for you and uphold you in prayer - sometimes I feel like I have an army of human angels praying on my behalf, and I'm really grateful.

A post shared by Berry Dakara (@berrydakara) on

Regarding the title of this post, I have to say that I have an "Erm, okay/Amen/Dislike" relationship with the phrase, "It is well." If you're a Nigerian who's a Christian, I can bet that you are surrounded by people who say, "It is well" to any unpleasant situation you're facing. You yourself have probably uttered the phrase to try and comfort someone else, or to help boost their faith.

I know that saying "It is well" is said with good intentions. I know that the thought process is that the person is speaking in faith, that all will be well (if it isn't in that particular moment or situation). While I understand that, I still inwardly cringe when anyone says "it is well" to me. Not that I don't believe my situation will get better, or that I don't have faith. It just seems like you're not being allowed to acknowledge that you are hurting, or grieving, or struggling in the moment. I'll give you an example.

While trying to conceive, I went through an IUI procedure. I was very hopeful that it would take and that we would get pregnant. Imagine my shock and utter despair when I got my period two weeks later. I called my family and my closest friends to let them know that it wasn't successful. One of my friends said to me, "Eya, sorry. It is well." The second I heard it, I went into a mini rage and scolded her. I told her that it wasn't what I wanted to hear at that time. For me, in that moment, it was NOT well. I knew it would be well eventually, but it wasn't well at that time, and I didn't appreciate not being allowed to fully express how I felt.

It almost seems like saying "It is well" ignores the current struggle, or glosses over it. I'm a big believer in acknowledging your feelings. I think that it's okay to admit when you're struggling in life or when you're sad or in mourning or sick. I will admit that I need to learn how to NOT wallow in the struggles and sadness, but I don't think it's anything to shy away from, because there might be someone in your path who can help you.

I don't know. Maybe I need to build up my faith muscle? But will God refuse me or not help if I say to him, "Lord, you know things aren't well right now. I know they will be. But right now, it is just not well."?

What do you guys think?


7 comments:

  1. Hi Berry!

    I can see how irritating "it is well" response can be when you are hurting and need an outlet (listening, empathizing ear).

    I just finished reading Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado. It has been a blessing and easy read. I recommend it highly. I was able to get a copy from my local library.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi HF! I think I read a short devotional based on the book sometime last year. I'll check and see if they have it at my library.

      You're right. Sometimes, all we need is a listening and empathetic ear. Of course, prayers are always appreciated too.

      Delete
  2. First of all, It Is Well by Bethel Music is one of my favorites. It's my go to song when things don't feel ...well.
    Secondly, I don't believe that your loved ones saying "it is well" is them trying to ignore or take away from your current feeling. I think that's your misinterpretation. It's them understanding your current situation and speaking into the future that it will be well. I feel the same way when I tell people about my struggles and they try to offer solutions to my problems even though I didn't ask. I know they mean well, but it irritates me because I was seeking comfort; the "it is well" type of phrases to strengthen my weakened faith.
    Visit the book of Psalms. It is filled with prayers where the mind and spirit are struggling with agony, discomfort, depression, confusion, doubt and anger. David and the other writers let God know how they feel, holding nothing back. But they also know that God is still sovereign and in thanksgiving through faith they surrender their situations to God. That's type of reaction God seeks. He wants you to be open with Him. He wants you to confess to Him. Remember, even Jesus lamented in the garden and the cross.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I also like the song, It Is Well - that's why I included it in this post. Just listening to it tends to make me feel a little lighter. But I think because some particular people always use "It is well" when I talk about something, it has lost its flavor to me and does nothing for me. I've had a couple of people refuse to listen to what I want to say, and almost shout "No! It is well. Stop talking. It is well." And that bugs the heck out of me. It removes the message they are trying to send.

      I have read Psalms and I admire David and the other writers who clearly (sometimes dramatically) cry about their woes and struggles, but always end it in praise of God. I wish I could be like that all the time.

      Delete
  3. I think,most times, when people say "it is well", it's because they don't know what else to say. It's not intentionally being dismissive about the situation. But because we've heard the phrase so many times,it almost doesn't mean anything/or carry much weight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly - because it's said so much, sometimes just automatically, it's lost its weight.

      Delete
  4. Yasss!!! It's good that Berry has got her groove back. I remember taking one good Saturday to read your old posts especially that of engagement/marriage with cakes.
    Now to the issue at hand, If 'It is well is said as a word of Faith, that's different but sometimes it seems the person saying it is saying that for you to shut the hell up and leave him/her alone

    ReplyDelete

Reading your comments ALWAYS makes me smile. I hope you smile when I reply :)