May 21, 2014

Throwback... old Facebook Note on Men Against Marriage

Hey yo,

I just came across a bunch of notes I wrote on Facebook from 2008 or so. I will share 2 or 3 of them, starting with this one. I was 26 at the time...

In the past month, I have had discussions with three of my guy friends who are averse to marriage. These guys range in age - from lower/mid twenties to upper/mid thirties. 

GUY #1
He mentioned how he doesn't see the point of marriage because most married couples end up being unhappy. 

*To him, I say, people enter marriage for the wrong reasons. Have you thought about making sure the woman you end up with is someone you're sure you'll be happy with? Have you thought about getting married for what YOU think are the right reasons and making sure the lady-in-question feels the same way? And BTW, there ARE happy marriages out there......don't be so cynical.*

GUY # 2
This one thinks that marriage is just so "official" and has nothing to do with the two partners being in love. 

*To him I say, there's nothing in this world that says you must get married for official reasons. If you honestly and truly do not think that the woman you're with is someone you want to be with emotionally, mentally, spiritually, blah-ly, then don't bother. Find somebody you love and truly believe you want to be attached to for the rest of your life and get married.*

GUY #3
The last one asked why couldn't the couple in question just live together and have kids....why get married?

*Umm, if you're going to live together, why not get married? Abi you think a marriage license is just a piece of paper? Enh, go and sign the piece of paper and pretend in your head that you're just in a long-term relationship....shouldn't be that hard. And anyways, why on earth, do you want to be 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 and STILL say "Oh, she's my girlfriend.....?" It makes NO SENSE to me. AND about having really want people to see the mother of your children as simply a BABY MAMA and not a WIFE? I'm sorry, but I find that somewhat disrespectful (no offense to baby mamas).*

I met someone a couple of years ago, who was about to get married, and he told me that in truth, a man NEVER wants to get married. He only does it because he thinks the lady is pressuring him into it, or because that's the natural next step and everyone else expects it. I have to say I felt instantly bad for his fiancee when I heard his logic.

WHY? GUYS, I DON'T GET WHY YOU THINK MARRIAGE IS SUCH A BAD IDEA. PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME. And I say this to guys, cos none of my female friends have said any of the above to me maybe it's just a guy thing.

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  1. I don't know why extra guy feels the need to make this senseless generalisation. He should speak for himself.

    1. Ezigbo senseless generalisation. Lwkmd!

  2. The one that gets me is when I see someone and he/she goes, "we have been together for 15 years and have three children together, but we are not married." Try as I might, I cannot wrap my head around that. Are they trying to get to know one another better when they have already been together for 15 years? Do they think that they might not want to get married to each other? If yes, then why reproduce with each other? If we even discard the social/religious necessity of not cohabiting/reproducing without getting married, what about protecting one's significant other/spouse? Even if two people cohabit for 100 years and have 100 kids together, the fact remains that in any emergency the girlfriend/boyfriend has no rights because he/she is JUST a boyfriend/girlfriend: if one partner cannot make medical decisions for himself/herself, the girlfriend/boyfriend is overlooked in favor of family; if one partner dies without an ironclad will, the properties that both parties worked for automatically goes to the 'real' family depending on whose name is on the documents; etc.

  3. Perfect answer for guy 3. I dnt knw wat it is with men nd deir crazy ideas about marriage. What about d ones that make up crazy ideas about should happen after nkor? Dnt get me started on those ones!

  4. No mind them.i was at a club party for my colleague who just got married at the registry and the groom and bride were present plus the best man.He had the effontery to say any woman that finds a man to marry her should be very grateful as marriage is meant for the woman and not the man and women benefit. This was after the registry where the officials gave the bride the certificate on the grounds that she is the custodian and warned the groom that any other marriage after this could lead to imprisonment.


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