March 20, 2014

Shout-out to...

Just a quick shout out to 1 Plus The One, who blogs over here.

She's a Christian blogger and has very uplifting and encouraging posts. Yesterday she posted on how God answers prayers (which coincidentally is the meaning of my Ogoni name, and is part of my blog's name).

In addition, you should check out her Waiting and Loving It series, which features couples who chose abstinence. Some chose to wait until their wedding night to "do the deed" and some took it even further and didn't kiss before the wedding day - talk about STRENGTH! Even though I didn't wait (one of my biggest regrets in life - sorry mummy and daddy), I want to encourage those who ARE waiting or thinking about it (whether you're a virgin or not).

God bless!

Berry.

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28 comments:

  1. I like you... U r very honest and simple

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  2. Who do you consider it "one of your biggest regrets in life"? That is if you don't mind sharing :)

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    1. Well, living with guilt from the very first time and every other time (i.e. if you're a Christian or any other religion which views premarital sex as wrong) is not the most fun way to live.

      That and a married friend of mine (a guy) once said, "I think I know why you're not supposed to have premarital sex... because you'll compare your spouse to your others. If you had someone in the past with whom you had awesome sex, and your spouse [seemingly] doesn't measure up, then you won't feel very fulfilled." I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it.

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    2. Let me add one more thing to the second part. Even if your spouse is the best ever, it still means you're comparing him/her to someone else from the past.

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    3. It is interesting you are saying this because I feel quite different. I waited to have sex as a Christian but these days I am almost regretting I did. I can't tell anyone that sex did not happen on the wedding night because it just could not go in, honeymoon was soooo painful! As christians we are taught so much about the avoidance of premarital sex but not how to prepare for sexual intercourse. Many Christians struggle with this but never speak about it.

      Berry at least you and Cakes are sexually compatible so even with the regret something good came out of it.

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    4. @ Jenny: That's a point you have there. However, I think the first time is usually painful or awkward, regardless of whether it's your wedding night. After that, hopefully things get better with time. During the sex session of our premarital class, the pastors said something that struck me... "if you're focused on your partner's needs/wants/likes/spots then it's easier and more enjoyable." The problem comes when one or both persons are more focused on their own needs. I think a lot of times, guys are more focused on themselves (no offense to male readers) and don't do enough to get the woman relaxed and comfortable. In addition, the truth is that Hollywood and media glamorize sex so much and make it seem like it's always so good and both partners always have orgasms, but that's a big fat lie.

      I do agree that Christians or churches (especially in Nigeria) should talk more about sex between married couples. In my church in Atlanta, one of the members just wrote a book on "The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex." I remember during married couple functions, she also gave talks about sex. I think that shying away from the topic completely only does more harm than good.

      Hopefully you and your husband are comfortable enough to talk candidly about sex with each other, so that it gets better and easier with time.

      :)

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    5. @ Jenny: check out this post about the same topic - http://www.naijahusband.com/2013/08/02/too-much-book-sex/

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  3. Berry, thank you sooo much! Like the first comment says - it's your realness and honesty that makes reading your blog refreshing.
    Thank you for the message in your responses too.. God bless you hun. I appreciate and admire what you do xxxx

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  4. This is my first time of commenting, i like the fact that you are true to yourself, my dear i know hw it is, guys of nowadays are just desperate for sex, i just wish most guys could tell the ladies to wait before engaging in premarital sex.love ur blog keep up the good work.i

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    1. I think even females are too. It'd be better if people have enough self control like the couples in the series.

      Thanks for commenting :)

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  5. Hello Berry, pls permit me to digress. I was going through your blog and saw ur post on the best man holiday and the song you fell in love with (I'm sure the scenes did the magic). Thanks for the info. Never knew it was a Stevie Wonder Original. I've known this song for over 4years - As, the Mary J.Blige and George Micheal version. I love music and downloaded the Anthony Hamilton version but it didn't add up for me. Have u listened to the Mary J. Blige's version? You should. :)

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    1. Digress away! Yup, Mary J. Blige and George Michael's version came out in 1999, and I liked it too. I can't decide which version is my favorite though - maybe Anthony Hamilton/Marsha Ambrosius, because that was Cakes and I's wedding song :)

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  6. Ok I'm heading over there now. I love things like this. It's time I started following blogs that DON'T have anythig to do with natural hair (too many to count), entertainment (bella naija) and lifestyle (Berry's :D, tho I think this 1+ D 1 is kinda about christian lifestyle yeah?). Thanks Berry

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    1. Lol, you follow only natural hair blogs? I try to keep mine balanced - hair, entertainment, style, beauty, lifestyle, marriage, weddings, etc.

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  7. Hey Berry!i just want to say thanks for being so unselfish.There are a couple of blogs I would never have heard about if not for you and I am totally hooked on them cos they (you) are awesome.matildaschild,sisiyemmie and co.i just took a peak at these one and I know it's gonna rock to cos of one post I have read.
    So thanks,and I think I will take another look at d post where u recommended blos you follow

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    1. You're welcome! I just like showing off other blogs that I read, and think would be interesting to anyone who likes my blog.

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  8. This is my first time of commenting, berry i like what u said about your regreets you are truthful and i love this blog among all the blogs i ve visited

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  9. This is my first time of commenting, i like what you said about guilt you are truthful. i love this blog among all the blogs i have visited

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  10. I really like you Anita (Berry). I think next time I'm in Nigeria, I'd love to have lunch- if you don't find this weird. :)

    I always wanted to wait, but I gave up the goods when I was 25. First time was painful and I regret it. It was with the wrong person and the morning after was just awkward. Every time after that is just more awkward. I really don't like sex. LOL. Finally decided to stay celibate and I hope to stay that way till I am married. I wear a ruby ring on my right hand to remind myself...

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    1. Anonymous 3:25pm, your ruby ring reminded me of pinky promise: http://www.pinkypromisemovement.com/

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    2. Sure thing! I love lunch :p

      I'm sure you'll like sex eventually, and when it's in the right time. It might not be awesome at first, or even every time, but hopefully you and your husband do your best to please and pleasure each other.

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  11. When I clocked 30 last year, I told myself, you know what, no point hanging unto it, it will not be appreciated. Even had some dreams about it, and told myself, next guy that's it, get it over and done with, then I found out my ex got married a few weeks ago and it brought it down to earth for me. Even though I did the breaking up but mehn boy am I glad I didn't sleep with him because I would ahve been pissed now. Weird, even though I did the breaking up but I am glad I didn't, because I can look at him straight in the face if we wever meet in public and know he can't rub it in my face that he got married before me. Even though he pressured, I refused. Phew, glad I didn't. As for still hanging unto it till marriage, I probably may not to be honest, but it won't be given to just any next boyfriend, but someone I am truly in love with and loves me back and genuinely wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Most likely he will get it after he proposes and not before. I want to have a fab wedding night and honeymoon. Bells and whistles, angels singing.LOL. Most Virgins don't get that. Long and short, if I love him, he loves me back, we are heading down the aisle, then we can start doing the do early. I want to conceive immediately, so I may as well enjoy myself before baby making sex becomes priority. hahahahaha

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    1. Whoa, you dodged a bullet!

      Looooooool @ having a fab wedding night and honeymoon. Trust me, even non-virgins don't necessarily have that. You're both tired and exhausted, and just want to sleep and rest. Or the times he wants to, you don't want to... when you want to, he's tired. Don't forget that being engaged doesn't always mean you'll make it down the aisle. So really think about it :)

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    2. Definitely, I know that. I am single not because of lack of proposals. The last 2 actually wanted to marry me, but they were not THE ONE, so I know getting engaged doesn't necessarily mean anything as I could have been engaged twice but I turned down the proposals. When he comes and we get engaged, we will definitely be getting married. God help me.

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    3. Amen to that sister!wish you luck!

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Reading your comments ALWAYS makes me smile. I hope you smile when I reply :)