April 3, 2014

How's Married Life?

Cakes and I just "celebrated" our 3-month anniversary of weddedness. I put celebrated in quotes because we didn't actually do anything, which sucks lollipops!

Anyways, remember when I wrote about how long newlywed-dom lasts? We concluded that it lasts as long as people keep asking "So how's married life?" Well I want to address this question. When people ask me this question, I take a second or two to assess who asked, how close we are, how I'm feeling at that particular moment, and if I have time to gist. Depending on my assessment, you'll get one of the following answers...

  • "It's fine, thank you." - This means that we're not close and/or I don't have the time or energy to chat.
  • "You know," followed by a smile :) - This means that we're cool, and I may have time to chat but only if you follow it up with another comment/question.
  • "Do you want to hear the answer you're looking for or do you want to hear the truth?" - This means that we're close and I have time to talk to you. BTW the answer people are usually looking for is "Fine, awesome, best thing in the whole world, everyone should get married, your life is incomplete if you're unmarried, blah blah blah." The truth however is different. 
The truth is marriage is fine sometimes and not-so-fine at other times. My cousin was shocked the other day when I told her that Cakes and I had argued several times. She was like "Enh?!?!? Aren't you supposed to be in the honeymoon phase? (which according to her is at least 5 months). I'm sorry to burst any bubbles, but married life is not always good, not always fun. And those times can be caused by huge arguments over money or sex... or they can be caused by the most insignificant things e.g. the other day I was annoyed because Cakes left egg shells in the kitchen sink and that he mistakenly threw away the vegetable peeler. 

Married life is not a fairy tale. There are disagreements, arguments, raised voices, slammed doors, locked doors, prayers to God asking for help/grace, tears, etc. In the midst of all this though, are lessons in forgiveness, unselfishness, peace-keeping/seeking, comfort, unconditional love, etc. With these, married life can be and IS sweet. I like knowing there's someone else in the house, that there are shared dreams, and that we are hopefully growing together. 

We're not a perfect couple, far from it. Yes, we have nice pictures and funny stories, but we aren't perfect and our life isn't perfect. But we try to make the most of it and make sure the happy/good times significantly outweigh the sad/bad times. 

That's how MY married life is.

P.S. I think Cakes might have a different answer because he's the optimistic one, and I'm more realistic. He's the one who says "We're rich" when I say "Dude we're broke!"




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36 comments:

  1. Berry of life..no be lie you talk ooo.sometimes it's even a combination of who the hell is this man I am married to. sometimes it's plenty laughter that makes me feel like I can be with no other besides him but just like you say, the most important is that the good times outweigh the sad.

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    1. LOOOOOOL @ who the hell is this man I am married to? Truedatboo!

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  2. Hey Berry, I couldn't have said it any better being a newly wed too (four months weddedness, lol). Sometimes when we argue especially over money matters , I've asked myself if I made the right choice as I had better well to-do guys before marriage. Most times, he shows me love n patience in a way I know no one else would. At that point, I'm happy n reassured I made the best decision of my life and bagged meself a great partner, God's perfect gift to me.

    Btw Berry, I love how real you are. This brings me to your blog daily even though I never comment. If I stayed in Lagos, I would have made myself your best friend even if na by force,Lol.

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    1. Yay, another newlywed! I feel you on the money thing, and I too think sometimes that Cakes is the only person that can really manage my dramatics.

      Thanks a lot my newest BFFBF (best friends forever by force :p)

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    2. Yay!! I'll make do with BFFBF. That's going to be my new signature so you'll know every time a comment comes from me.

      Hugs, BFFBF

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  3. I also find that question very annoying! But i understand that people ask it just to be polite :-)

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    1. I guess. But what about the ones that really aren't interested in hearing how married life is? They've decided how it is on your behalf and will argue with you about anything you say.

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  4. Thanks for ur honesty and for uploading almost daily, Abeg no burst my bubble!lol. I like to think me and Le Boo won't argue when we marry!But peharps that's not the best way to go.
    I have no worries about you dear!God is faithful .And the grace to carry on will always be with you.

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    1. LOL. I think there are couples who don't argue but it's rare. And if Cakes and I didn't argue, I would be afraid that we're not really being honest about what we think or how we feel about certain issues. I'm not saying we argue all the time, but there's conflict that good can come out of.

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    2. True that, Berry. Sometimes not-arguing is an indication of issues unresolved. The aim is not to draw blood, fight/argue nice-ish.
      #FirstTimeCommenting #SporadicBerryStalker

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  5. "He's the one who says "We're rich" when I say "Dude we're broke!"" <- LOL.
    Marriage is very far from this reader.
    It's always interesting to read your thoughts (on this) when you share them
    :)

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  6. As real as always! Bless you Berry! xx

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  7. I completely agree with you Berry and Anonymous @ 7.21am but I would say the first 6 - 9 months are probably the hardest. imagine being pregnant and having the hormones to deal with as well ;). I was sure I was going to get divorced because I couldn't imagine arguing for the rest of my life. Even more painful because I married someone who I was very good friends with.

    Been married almost 2 years now and we sometimes joke about how its been long since we argued as most weekends early in marriage were spend arguing.

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    1. Awwww. Mehn, I already feel bad for Cakes when pregnancy comes :p

      It's good to see that there's hope after a short while. I'm sure you both decided to learn which battles to fight and which to sweep under the rug.

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  8. Have I ever told u how much I love u? Now, am saying it. Am not a fan of blogs tho. Just seeing and going through your blog for the ist time. It's really interesting. And yeah, you are realistic. I love that. Keep it up.

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  9. Very true about being a newly wed not always rosy, I am amazed at how patient I am these days. Marriage really makes you grow in many ways. Wishing you and Cakes a wonderful 3monthiversary!!! xx

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    1. Thanks ma'am. Yes, marriage sure makes you grow, if you're willing. I was listening to Focus on the Family today and they had Gary Chapman with them. He said (and I've heard it quite a few times) that one of the purposes of marriage is to learn how to love unconditionally.

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  10. Awww. Appreciate your honesty.

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  11. So down to earth! Love it!!! May your love and connection grow deeper and stronger. xo

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  12. My soon to be husband has chronic migranes so we barely argue. In fact we can't afford to unless I want to be a young widow. Some things are blessings in disguise

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    1. Awww, I feel for him. I get migraines too and they're not fun at all. But you're right - no energy to argue during migraines.

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    2. Hey Anonymous! You have to find a way to express your grievances. Perhaps u guys shld write each other emails or chat when you are upset!! You come across as such an understanding person - wishing you all the best
      @Berry Dakara - Saw ur wedding pics on BN! Fabulous! So I wanted to get to know u more and came here!! Bless U! Been married 9 years - and yes the first few years not just months feel like you have described & my hubby seems to be just like urs - uses the same phrase when we are broke! Enjoy it its a blessing in disguise!! If u married another realist like yourself u would "kill" each other! LOl!

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    3. Thanks Esohe for your comment! Mehn, 9 years seems like such a loooong way away, but thank you for the advice. And yup, I agree that being hitched to another realist could potentially have been a disaster... or we wouldn't spend any money at all, for fear of never having enough.

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  13. This is the most important lessons I took from this post " Married life is not a fairy tale. There are disagreements, arguments, raised voices, slammed doors, locked doors, prayers to God asking for help/grace, tears, etc. In the midst of all this though, are lessons in forgiveness, unselfishness, peace-keeping/seeking, comfort, unconditional love, etc. "

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  14. I saw yur wedding pics on BN 2dae nd I was like I want to get married...I Luv d concept nd evrytin...God bless yur marriage ...nd tanks for teaching me a ting or two abt marriage cos am rily scared of gettin in2 it..bt after seein yur weddin pics nd readin yur blog 2dae I can say almost al fears are gone...God bless yur marriage

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    1. Awww, marriage is fun. Yes there are hard times and sad times, but there are good times too. It's just life, innit?

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  15. Buahahahah I usually say "its like a walk in a meadow" , "like sunshine" , "Like a never ending present"...I say it cheekily and I never actually go into details with any one LOL No point ..If tehy are married tehn tehy aleady know and if they are not , well when they get there they will know :D

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    1. LOL, it's not fair to the single folk. They want real advice!

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  16. Berry I pray for you and your home. I like you...or what I see in you when I read your blog. *inserts shy face*
    G

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Reading your comments ALWAYS makes me smile. I hope you smile when I reply :)