April 7, 2014

Rude Surprises *can't think of a better title*

Sooooo, I was reading one of these 'Dear Abby' letters and this lady had written, asking if how she felt was wrong. Her boyfriend of 2 years had planned a romantic night stay in a nice hotel, with dinner, drinks, everything! He organized it and wanted to do something nice. However, when it was time to pay, he asked her to bring money twice, which she did but she was upset about it. He said he was going to pay her back, but she maintained that if he didn't have enough money to execute his plan, then basically he shouldn't have gone through with it.

Source



I'm inclined to agree with her. I remember about 8 years ago, I was dating someone. One day I went window shopping and saw this skirt that I thought was very nice. Unfortunately I didn't have enough money to buy it, so I resolved to wait until the store had a sale. My boyfriend at the time, called later that day and I mentioned the skirt and how I was going to wait to get it. To my surprise, he said I shouldn't worry about it, and that he would buy it for me. I don't know if I've mentioned that I was never used to guys spending money on me, so this was a nice surprise. When we got off the phone, I gushed about it to my sister and cousins. How about a few minutes later, he calls me back and says, "Shey you know I didn't mean I was buying the skirt fully? You'll still pay for half." *insert rudely surprised smiley here* Well, me I don't waste time, so I told him thanks but no thanks and I didn't want his money. I had intended to wait for a sale and I was going to go ahead and wait for my sale.

I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't offer to do/buy/pay for something, only to turn around and tell the recipient to pay for part of it. It's one thing if you initially said, "Oh, you know what? I'll give you money to add to what you have." It's another thing to offer and expect payment. A friend and I were surprised late last year when our friend INVITED us to meet up, and then he said we should split the bill 3 ways. We paid up, but it was like, "erm, YOU invited us out, you know?"

I know this kinda situation can be quite tricky sha. What do you think?



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26 comments:

  1. Ahn ahn, the guy sef! How could he call to tell you that you will be paying half!
    I think if it wasn't asked for, you should consider it a gift and not ask for a refund whether in part or in full (especially in a relationship!).. If a guy I was dating did that, it would be warning signs for stinginess..

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    1. That guy is stingy as hell!!!!

      Personally I believe in split payment. But only on the basis of prior agreement. If a guy offers to take a lady out, then he's paying!!! Period.

      http://thewittyjournalblog.wordpress.com

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  2. I totally agree with you, people shouldn't make financial commitments that they can't follow through, especially when the recipient didn't even ask. However, i don't necessarily agree with you on that last part about the friend that invited you out. The thing is that unless he expressly insinuated that he would pay, it is fair to think that you should chip in. If he offers otherwise, great! Think about it this way, if a girl friend invited you to hang somewhere, of course you will automatically assume you have to pay your way. I think the same standards should apply to a guy who is your friend.

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    1. Well, when you put it like that...

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    2. I totally agree. Unless it's a date, if someone says "let's do this" or "let's go here", I expect to pay. And this is generally how everyone rolls. It is at said place that you choose if you want to be generous and cover folks.
      But I think it is also cultural to a degree. A friend moved to the US and had that happen, and he was totally taken aback by it because he is of the mindset that if he invites, he pays. I play it by ear but I am always prepared to cover myself at the least.

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    3. I agree with anonymous on top. If a friend invites you out, you should expect to pay, except if it is expressly stated that your payment won't be needed

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    4. Actually @ Lady ID and Anon: I remembered that when I was in the States, I always fully expected to pay for meals when hanging out with friends... unless it was expressly a date (and even then, I always had money just in case). But since I've been here, if I'm with my female friends, I have my money ready. But when I would hang with a guy, I expected him to pay - whether we were just friends or not. I think the culture here expects that the man should always pay and it's slowly seeped back into my system.

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  3. Attitudes like this really shows a person's heart. Being generous and kind is not always easy and sometimes cost you something, when people invite someone out I don't think they should let them pay a thing even though they insist. This is not easy as they might earn more than you and stuff, but I see it as sowing into someones life and being sacrificial.

    www.Anemistyle.com

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  4. "Shey you know I didn't mean I was buying the skirt fully? You'll still pay for half."

    Wow, lol. I WILL collect whatever you give to me in good faith, as long as I've checked myself to see that I wasn't been greedy when I requested for it (I must really need it). Now, if you're looking for a way to add me to your list of "charities I support" You can slide to the right...or left.

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  5. well said ...why make an offer if you really cannot afford it ...

    it beats me when people have their birthday dinner and expect you to pay for you meal like seriously i attended an engagement party( not proposal party) proper engagement dinner and we all had to pay for our meals....

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    1. I think it depends on where you are. At least, that's been my experience. Living in the States, whenever I had a birthday dinner, I would pay for drinks or dessert, but guests would pay for their food and it was just the norm. Back here in Nigeria though, I would be expected to pay for everything... btw, I have a problem with that. Since it's my birthday, shouldn't people be paying for me to eat and not the other way around? :p

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    2. loooooool@ shouldn't people be paying for you to eat ....

      i quite understand the "Norm" of going Dutch but berry dragging people against their will to an expensive outing all in the name of celebration is a big SIN
      it’s like holding people hostage to fund a dream celebration splashed all over social media hash tag #My Fabulous celebration# we might as well call it a charity event lol

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    3. Teeheehee, nobody's forced to come and celebrate though. I turned down some birthday hangouts because they chose expensive restaurants that I didn't have money for.

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  6. That boyfriend in your post is a @%!!! How can you execute something 'romantic' then ask me for money?? Hian! I remember years ago, going on a date once with a guy I really liked - he said we should go watch a movie at silverbird and I was like cool. We get there, pick the movie we want to watch and then queue up. At the counter, the cashier hands him both tickets and then he turns to me and says 'it's 3k' lolllllllllllllllllll. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. First date o!

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    1. That's terrible!!!!!!! I hope it was the last date too :D

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    2. Ah Berry, I wish I could say it was. I gave him another chance (did I say I really liked him :) ) and you won't believe - it happened AGAIN!!!! I just excused myself from the whole thing - I couldn't and can't shout.

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  7. This reminds me of my ex. Dude is really a nice guy through and through except for this one event. I'd just started working and I needed money to get some clothes. So he says, an uncle gave me some money, I'll give you out of it to add to what you have. I was pleasantly surprised, I'm not used to guys spending on me too. Two weeks later, dude says I lent you the money so please pay back as soon as you can. I just told him, please next time be sure of what you intend to do. I somehow felt like there was a bit of beef because I'd started earning money (he later told me I wasn't spending on him). To be fair to him, he didn't have a job then.

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    1. Wow @ lent you the money. People should say what they mean and mean what they say.

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  8. Hmmm. Na wa o. Some lady invited me for lunch, since we had some things to discuss about her business. We went out, and I even ate more than her, cos I went hungry. Only for the waiter to bring the bill, and she let me know I was paying for mine. I was weak. I had no money. It was with shame that I went to the car to get my debit card, in which the money in it was not mine. Kai. I'm still sore from the experience. Never again!

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  9. I got some dealdey coupons for 5 of my friends and I to hang out at Ember Creek last year. Thing is I expected the guys to man up and ask me how much the hang out cost afterall they were the ones that suggested it and I only planned it.
    Thing is my friend had to speak up on my behalf before the guys offered to pay. They claimed they were having so much fun it had skipped their mind. Lol!

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  10. I'm sorry but some guys are really thick sha. I remember some guy who was asking me out and used to act like my refusing him will result in the untimely death of his entire village. Anyways, I have to travel urgently one day and ask him to give me a ride to the airport. The loser not only made me buy fuel in his car but also made me pay toll and for parking as well. Long story short that flight was my exit out of a freak show that was definitely waiting to happen. To the best of this losers knowledge, I still haven't returned to Lagos 4 months after he dropped me at the airport.

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  11. LMAO
    Rude, detty surprises!! Haba
    He planned the date and then expected her to pay
    If she wanted to go wine and dine at wherever, she'd have had her money ready
    But he brought it up, she said yes and he's bringing it back to her?
    I hope she takes that as a sign to keep it moving!

    For friendship, if you call me to go somewhere, I'll have my money ready. If I don't, I'll tell you sorry I can't because, kos'owo- and if you insist, you're paying na. Simple. And vice versa.

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Reading your comments ALWAYS makes me smile. I hope you smile when I reply :)