June 10, 2013

Bonnie, Clyde and Speed Racer

Hey berry pretty people.

How are ya? How was your weekend? I hope you had a pretty swell time.

So here's the thing with Nigeria. Nigeria is FRUSTRATING! It is ONLY with the grace of God, His peace and patience, that most people can survive here. However, I believe there is a separate DIVINE grace, peace, and patience necessary to combat road rage!

The minute you get in your car, the hairs on the back of your neck stand, because they're thinking "Here we go again." If it's not the blind drivers, it's pedestrians with a death wish, or rivers for your car to practice it's breaststroke. Let's not talk about the inadequate lighting at night, which forces drivers to use their high beams, which in turn blinds other drivers in front of them and those driving in the opposite direction. Nigerian driving is a vicious cycle that tests your will to be at peace.

Well yesterday, our peace was tried. And well, we had just left church an hour before, BUT let's just say that there was a momentary lapse in 'anointing.'

I was driving (because I'm the best, most sacrificial fiancee in the history of the world), and Cakes was somewhat relaxed. That is, until a danfo bus driver decided it was his purpose in life to try and edge me out of the road. Unfortunately, I'm a stubborn South-South girl, who sometimes most times, forgets her daddy's advice to "Just allow them to pass." I won out at the end (Kids, don't try this at home.) and was on my merry traffic-laden way. In my rearview mirror, I could see the same bus driver competing with another bus to be behind me, and then BOOM!

No, the buses didn't hit each other. I mean, that would have served them right, right? Nah, Mr Speed Racer hit MOI! There was a moment of silence for the peace that just died within us. I started to turn off the car, and Clyde said "Bonnie STAY HERE!" (Berry = Bonnie, Cakes = Clyde, in case you're lost). So stay, I did. Clyde on the other hand, stepped out rolling his sleeves up barking, "I've just been WAITING for you to HIT MY CAR!" Choi, action film in the making!

He gets to the bus driver's side, and "I've just been WAITING *slap*. ARE YOU STUPID?" And I'm sitting in the car, itching to get out because I am FURIOUS and I want to see the damage done. After about 20 seconds of watching, I turn the car off and fly out... "Shey you have been wanting to hit my car since?! SHEY YOU WANTED TO HIT ME?! Oya, now you've hit me! COME OUT!!!"

Bystanders are watching like "Ah, madam, take it easy o." Clyde turns to me, "Bonnie GET BACK IN THE CAR!" I'm literally frothing at the mouth, and then I see the fear in the bus driver's eyes and I start to calm down and walk back to my car (already feeling guilty). I see Clyde ball up his fist, and then... retracts his arm and comes back to the car. As we drive off, Mr Speed Racer maintains a healthy distance from my car (LOL) and Cakes says to me, "I wanted to punch him, but do you know why I didn't? Someone shouted - OGA PLEASE DON'T ALLOW THE DEVIL TO USE YOU!"

And that is the end of my story :)

Berry and Cakes Bonnie and Clyde
*imagine the film we were acting dressed like that* I'm slightly ashamed  :p

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  1. Hahaha! Sorry but gosh! Nigerian drivers o! I cant even imagine driving in Lagos, let me just respect myself here in Abuja abeg. On a more serious note, hope your car wasn't damaged at all?

  2. Una fine no be small. Your outfit is lovely.
    Hope your car wasn't damaged.

  3. lovely piece here, totally enjoyed reading it

  4. Lolllll!! Naija driving is scary. Praise God you guys are ok. I was thinking the danfo driver went crazy on you guys. Similar thing happened last time I was home. Cops got involved (in our favour)...general insanity.

  5. Lol gurl I can relate! Infact my husband is just like cakes - he would also tell me to stay in the car and let him handle it! Lol yall look cute! Looking fwd to the D-day! Peace n love!

  6. Your writing has improved alot. Keep up the good work.

  7. @ Young Grumbler - My car wasn't damaged, thank goodness. I wanted to live in Abuja when I came back, because it seems easier to live there and manage life.

    @ Onakachi - Awww, thank you. *blushes*

    @ Anon1 - Thanks!

    @ Lady ID - It IS scary! Nigerian driving is NOT for the weak.

    @ Ess - HAHAHAHA! Maybe your hubby and Cakes should trade tips on how to keep us calm during such situations. Thank you :)

    @ Anon2 - Thank you :)

  8. Yay, the dress is long, lol. Meehn, such situation can be so frustrating. Lagos bus drivers are something else. Sorry.

  9. I tell people Its safe to assume you are the only sane person on the road. Bus drivers are definitely from another planet. Its like to go for training on how to drive crazy frustrate other road users. Jeezzz getting upset just typing this but i'll shame the devil and keep typing...LOL


    1. F'reals! Everyone else driving is insane. But bus drivers (including BRT bus drivers) are murderously insane. I think they try drive thinking, "How close can I get to killing someone today?"

  10. lool this was a good read. first time here


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