January 4, 2013

Married until proven single

Funny title, right? Well, it's a phrase I came up with today. Why? Because I met a guy recently who had been VERY flirtatious. I kinda kept him at arms length for undisclosed reasons. He'd tell me he thought I was hawt, smart, funny, etc... How he would like to spend time with me and get to know me better... Wanted to take me to one place or another. I gracefully rebuffed his advances.

To cut the long story short, a mutual friend and I saw evidence that raised our suspicions. We weren't sure who to ask, and had both never noticed a wedding band on his finger. I made the move to ask him directly, because I really hate it when married men hit on me. [Un]surprisingly, he admitted he was married but in a long-distance marriage. Which brings me to my point...

Living in Nigeria has been an eye-opener. In the States, if I met a guy and he chatted me up, I'd mostly automatically assume he was single. However in Nigeria, that would be the WORST.IDEA.EVER. I once met a guy at a grocery store in Lekki, and saw him following me from aisle to aisle. When he finally approached me, I didn't notice that his left hand was in his pocket. It was when I was about to give him my phone number, that he brought out his phone and I saw the wedding band. I promptly refused to divulge my number, and he asked why I'd punish him because he's married (the topic of whether married people should have single friends of the opposite sex will be discussed another day).

After unwittingly flirting with more than one married man in my 1.5 years of being in Nigeria, I've come up with the following questionnaire for females to use...

Of course, he could lie to you. But just for peace of mind, assume every guy you meet is married. It's up to him to prove that he's available in all ways to you.

It's WAY past my bedtime. G'nite!
Berry Dakara


  1. Very very true girl. I have learnt to assume every guy is married until proven single. Thanks for referring me to this post.


    1. *le sigh* It's sad but true. Especially in Nigeria.

  2. Truth! As a MoF, this post's title was my Facebook status a few months ago because I was TIRED of being toasted by married men/boys. I even ranted about it on my blog. Too exasperating.

  3. Truth! This was my status update on Facebook a few months ago. I even ranted about it on my blog. The thing jus tire!

  4. Hahahaha girl I didn't see this o. I love that Checklist, I should print a copy out for these dudes out here.


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