March 26, 2014

Hair Talk - Bringing out the UGLY!

Hi friends,

Okay, I half-promised my friend that I wouldn't talk about hair on my blog anymore, after the post about the definition of Natural Hair. However, dear friend, I must apologize to you for breaking my promise.

What is it about hair discussions that make people turn down right UGLY and NASTY?! From debating hair (natural vs relaxed vs weaves vs braids vs bald) on different platforms, you see comments that basically attack people's personalities. How does a conversation go from,

"I like my hair relaxed" to "You're an insecure person who thinks the White man is supreme." 
"I have natural hair" to "You're ugly, unkempt and self-righteous." 
"I like to wear weaves" to "You're obviously a runs girl/prostitute." 
"I like to wear wigs" to "You're fake and there's nothing real about you."
"I like my hair loc'd up" to "You're irresponsible and don't have good work ethics."
The only style that seems immune from attack is braids :p

Now, some of you reading might say (and have even said) that I think I'm supreme because I have natural hair. For whatever reason, none of them have noticed that I wear wigs sometimes, braid once or twice a year, and have never once told anybody that natural hair is better than relaxed hair. Neither have I tried to convince anyone with relaxed hair to go natural. The most I will do is answer questions that are asked of me. Do I think everyone CAN carry natural hair? Yes, regular moisture and stretching are your friends. Do I think everyone SHOULD carry natural hair? No, because it's YOUR prerogative.

What I find annoying and baffling is that because of your hair choice(s), idiots IDIOTS feel the need to attack your person, your character, your being.


NB: This post is NOT about #TeamMyHairIsLikeThis. This post is asking why the discussions/debates turn into hateful arguments.

FYI - If you don't have anything constructive to say about this post (i.e. if you decide to reinforce this post by being insulting, demeaning, condescending or hateful) don't bother commenting because I shall not approve your post.

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  1. wooh wooh Berry slow down, you don't look good when your vexed.
    Well about the hair talk; i've read some blogs that bluntly condemns Relaxed hair and how fake a gurl who is relaxed is... But i think this argument will never die if individually we don't have an opinion of our own.Your natural because you love everything about it and you can manage your hair, I'm relaxed because i cant manage my hair in it's natural state, So everyone should accept herself and her hair and stay off another persons back....Hate comes from Hateful people and they should be ignored, after all we(RELAXED LADIES) learn how to manage our new growth from the NATURAL LADIES...
    The Beautiful Eagle's Blog

    1. Yes o. This argument will never die. As long as it continues, I will keep observing it, while eating popcorn along.

    2. LOL, My dear i think I'll join you....

  2. LOOOOOOOOL, how do you know I don't look hot and sexy with eyes blazing and hair in the wind like Beyonce (if I'm wigged up) when I'm annoyed :p

    I do agree that there are naturals who take it upon themselves to "convert" the whole world, and I don't agree with their outlook. How you choose to wear your hair is your personal choice and doesn't take away nor add anything to your life.

    I like your line - HATE comes from HATEFUL people.

  3. I won't lie it gets tiring some times managing my natural hair, i get tempted to go back to relaxer.

    Please like my page

  4. I think people just need to get over other people's business. Esp Nigerians. They can be sooo intrusive. If someone didn't ask u for advice or comment why would you give it? And in a discourteous way too. There may be some hairstyles I personally won't try but I won't jeer at another person doing them. That is just nasty. People need to let other people be. Ahn ahn. If someone does not like what you like, is it a crime? Live and let live

  5. I don't understand why people do get mean and nasty, I feel like women find new ways to attack each other based on their preferences. I guess at the moment hair is trending I wonder what will be next make-up vs makeup free? Gosh why can't we just stop, I guess if we put that energy into building businesses and homes there will be no time to criticise someone's hair.

  6. Okay, someone has brought out the Banshi in my Berry....LOL.
    To be honest, i am one of those people who can't be bothered about peoples opinion about my hair.
    1. My hair is natural but i LOVEEEEEEEEEEE weaves and braids.
    2. I do not feel superior to anyone who has relaxed hair or isn't natural.
    3. I actually have never had any negative comment directed at me cos i am natural.
    4. The most i've heard is "Babe you are one brave girl" especially if i wear my hair natural for an event or wedding etc. I don't know if they planned to say something negative but they ended up using words like brave, different, refreshing so... But I dare them to say anything negative...LOL.
    5. When i have my fro out, its either in a nice bun or a side thing i do with bands and pins; don't even know what its called.
    6. Like i've always said, do you and i do me. Hair isn't that serious.
    7. Have never understood the *Team natural/Team relaxed* banter that i see on a lot of blogs.

  7. I actually would say both "should" and "could" are ok. Why? Same way we say everyone could and should exercise. It's your prerogative for sure. And not everyone will have time and patience or even Money to regularly exercise, but we still advise that we try.

  8. It cracks me up when I see this debate between relaxed and naturals pop up on the blogosphere with the bashing and throwing around of words like we are fighting over an inheritance loool...I’ve been natural for exactly a year today yaaaaay and people tell me to my face " you are not considered natural cos my hair is burgundy" Biko berry don’t let them chop off your head cos this argument will be on till Jesus comes lol

  9. Hair is very political. It has been in the past because it does carry weight:
    * having to have straight hair to fit into a colonial or racist society as in the US back in the day
    * hearing things like "Oh you look rough/unkempt" when your hair isn't permed
    * wearing the afro being a political statement during the civil rights movement.

    You have to admit that there has been a lot of negativity towards natural hair but now with the increase of people wearing their hair natural, even the naturalistas have become aggressive.

    I get where they are coming from when dealing with certain states of mind.For some women it's not "I like my hair this way" it's "I like my hair this way because without it I am no longer pretty, acceptable, worthy" and THAT is a frustrating attitude. The thing is abusing someone because of it will NOT make them change their mind. And you end up looking crazy.

    The best thing is just like with any other "hot topic", calm down. Discuss rationally. Stick to what works for you and be willing to educate when necessary but it is not by force. Every hair conversation does not have to become straight vs natural - it is ok for it to just be hair.

  10. My hair is natural but I'm always on braids, like 95% of the time (I guess that's the reason I don't receive any bullshit about my hair). So, most people actually don't know that I'm natural until I wear my hair out which is literally once in a blue moon. My sister and mother both relax their hair and we don't give each other shit about our choices. I don't understand why hair has to be a political statement for some people. Like chill, it's not that deep. The bants and hair waving contests ain't necessary. Wear your hair in whatever way you love or think it's easiest to manage. That's what I keep preaching. We are our own individuals, we came to live OUR own lives so you can't let somebody pull you down because of something as inconsequential as hair. Like HAIR?!?! Seriously, I think people who dwell on this issue are insecure folks who need to shove their "nazi-ist" opinions where the sun don't shine.

    At the end of the day, we are all more than our hair.

  11. I mentioned that I am natural while my sister and mom are relaxed. Rather than talk nonsense about each other's hair, we actually help each other take care of our hair; we suggest products, hair care methods and whatnot to each other. That is what women should expend their energy on. Helping each other out in diverse situations, not trying to shame and pull each other down. If something as trivial as hair could create a divide between women, one can only imagine how division that comes with deeper issues. I swear, the whole situation makes me mad and sad at the same time. When people say women are their own worst enemies, I am forced to believe them.

  12. I was natural for 2yrs oo i then decided to put relaxer last yr cos everyone was sweating me abt my hair, now u need to see hw my hair is chopped and so annoying. i cant wait to cut it soon. it wont pass this yr definately!

  13. Read this earlier, but your mobile site was stressing me so I'm finally here to comment on the big big web. :)

    Hair debates bring out a lot of vitriol, but is this any different from any comments section these days? Put a very simple topic on a site that pulls in a lot of traffic, and somehow watch things go downhill to a fight. Same with a lot of twitter topics. I don't know what it is about anonymity that brings out the worst in people.

    Are women really divided by hair? I don't think so. Put all these fighting women in a room to talk hair and I don't think there will be any kicking or screaming. If you're natural in Nigeria, surely you have or had relaxed friends, family. It's not THAT serious.

    Some of the things said are true. If you can't step out of your house without a weave, I have to tell you if you ask, that's unhealthy for your mind AND your hair. Having relaxed or natural hair is a choice, but if you feel that natural hair is messy simply because it isn't straight, then, as an African, as a person, you should sit down and ask yourself why you really think so. And Natural Nazis forget that until not so long ago, they were in the same *insert insulting word* category that they now call others.

    I was at an Efik wedding a while ago, and I looked at the dancers with their relaxed hair and weaves. I wear weaves too, but something hit me. These dancers were proud of their culture. A greater part of theirs than I am of mine. My Igbo isn't great and I definitely don't know anything about Igbo dance, and little about Igbo weddings and more things I could think of. Yet, people look at me with my turban or my fro and call me Mama Africa. Yes, I'm proud of being African, I like that my hair can show that- but did that make me any more African, any more integrated than these dancers? Definitely not,

    What I'm really saying is, a lot of the mud-slinging is as a result of many generalisations attached to the different kinds of hair. Generalisations though true in some cases, aren't very accurate, and always leave someone upset. Hair is political and it has always been. I just prefer to limit hair talk to my blog, and if someone brings it up personally. It's much safer this way.

    Relaxed, texlaxed, texturised, natural, whatever you choose, just keep it healthy. To see healthy heads of hair (and a well laid weave) makes me VERY happy any day!

  14. All i will say for those who want a job as my personal hair stylist without pay 'mind your own business it's my hair no be by force oh!'

  15. Lol the part about braids being immune just cracked me up


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