January 18, 2021

On Glorifying Divorce

 This is not a disclaimer but I feel the need to preface this post by saying that I'm not an advocate for divorce. As in, if someone tells me they are having issues in their marriage, my first thought isn't "Y'all should probably get divorced." Unless there's a case of abuse, I would advise the couple to try and work things out - pray, go to therapy, talk to their mentors if they have, etc - especially if they have offspring. I hope you understand my position. That being said...

Divorce is NOT the end of the world. Men and WOMEN ALIKE can still find happiness after getting divorced - and FYI, happiness does not have to include a new spouse if that's not what you want. A few Nigerian women in the social media and influencing space have thrived, seen lots of success, increased exponentially after getting divorced. However, the vast majority are not talking about it openly. 

I totally get it. Not everyone wants to share their stories - nor should they be forced to. But I think that the more we hear testimonies (yes, a divorce can still be a testimony because God can turn any mess into a message), the less fearful others will be about the prospect. People like Vera and I have been open about our marriages ending (she's fully divorced and like she teases me, my divorce is still impending). She has shared very openly on her blog about what led to her divorce, she's talked about being a Divorced African Mother on the Mommy Oyoyo podcast, and we've both talked AND LAUGHED about Sex After Divorce on her podcast. So yeah, we're sharing openly.

A couple of months ago, on Vera's facebook page, someone left a comment basically asking her why she keeps glorifying divorce and talking about it as if it's a good thing. He asked why she isn't sharing lessons on how to stay married, and what mistakes were made to avoid divorce, and the negative effect divorce can have on children.

I didn't respond to him but I was a little annoyed on Vera's behalf. That Vera is doing well, and doesn't mind sharing how her life has gotten better since her divorce does not mean she's "glorifying divorce." I'm not trying to speak for her, but our culture seems to demand that divorced women hush up, fade into the background, and hide because they are now spoiled goods. The only time they should be loud is if they remarry, and even at that, there will still be whispered comments about "You know this is her second (or third or fourth) marriage right?"

Again, I'm not an advocate for divorce - unless there's abuse. But being a divorced person does not mean that your life is over. Yes, things may be hard for a while, especially if you're not financially secure and maybe as the custodial parent, BUT you can still have a life worth living and that's nothing to be ashamed of. 

By the way, this negative attitude towards divorced people usually falls mostly on the woman. She's damaged goods, she's the single mom with baggage, she's the one who failed in keeping her family together. HELLO?!?!? It takes TWO people to get divorced too. Please o, ladies, if you are divorced or it happens to you down the line (I pray not cos the process of divorce can be soul-crushing), please remember that it's perfectly fine to move on, find happiness and NOT hide or shrink WHEN you do. 

And if anybody tries to talk to you negatively, please send them my way. I have energy :p

Bodaciously yours,


P.S. If you've ever listened to the Mommy Oyoyo Podcast, please be a darling and fill out the survey here


  1. Thank you for these words. I have an impending divorce too and trust me i've heard a lot of nasty things from family and friends about my situation. But I really do not care. Loving my new found peace and sanity

    1. UGH! Anyone that cares about you won't be nasty to you - even if they don't agree with the decision. There's really nothing like having peace and being in a sane place. Everyone will be very alright.

  2. What makes it the most disgusting is how women take all the freaking blame. We have a lot of evolving to do as a society and I'm so glad and thankful you and Vera continue to share your story (as much as you can) because if they think women will cower in shame, they should think again.


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