February 6, 2019

5 Lessons Learned from Ending or Losing a Friendship

This is a hard post for me to write. In the past two years, I have lost three friends that I thought would be lifetime friendships. I won't go into the details about each of them, so that I don't rehash hurt feelings (on their sides, or mine), but I do want to talk about the experience of losing friends. I imagine it's weird to lose that many friends in a short amount of time, but it is what it is.



  1. When you lose a friendship that you thought would last forever, there is a lot of internal questioning. You find yourself asking if you are a bad person or a bad friend. Even if you believe the other person is at fault, there will be times when you find yourself thinking about what role you played in the demise of the friendship, and if you can admit that you were in the wrong (even if it was just 5%), you'll wonder if you could have done or said something different. If you fully believe that you had no part to play, and it was all the other person's fault, you may ask how on earth you ever let someone like that into your life, and what signs you overlooked or missed during the course of the friendship.
  2. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. As much as I don't like this saying, it appears that it just might be true. Some friendships are seasonal or meant to only last a certain amount of time. Even some true lifetime friendships come in waves, where there are times when you're the best of friends and other times when it seems like you're just acquaintances. I don't know if there's a way to ascertain what kind of friendship you have with all the people in your life, but I do know that not all friendships are lifetime friendships. It's just a simple fact of life.
  3. Reconciliation is a two-way street. I used to have the mindset that if someone apologized to you, as a Christian, you should accept the apology and through healing, continue with the friendship. Not anymore. I think that the ideal situation is that the friendship is repaired, but in reality, not everyone wants to move forward with reconciliation. It may hurt the person who has apologized over and over again, but at a certain point, you have to realize that you can't force reconciliation. Not only that, but you also don't want to allow the other party to take advantage of your contrition and turn you into a doormat. It IS a slippery slope, but I have learned that if you cannot apologize forever, if the other party is unwilling to accept that apology or move towards reconciliation.
  4. Losing a friend can cause very deep pain! The loss of a friend can sometimes be worse than the loss of a dating relationship. It can be easier to move forward from a failed relationship, but a friendship? Especially one you have cultivated over time, and if you share mutual friends. I remember realizing that one friendship needed to end, and crying my heart out because I really didn't want it to. I understood why, but that didn't stop me from being hurt over the pain of losing them. I still cringe even though some time has passed, but that pain is more of a dull ache now and it doesn't come as often as it used to.
  5. Life goes on. If losing your friend caused you a lot of pain, it may seem like you will never see the sun again. But the truth of the matter is this - life will and does go on. Maybe one day in the future, you will regain your friendship. Maybe it is truly the end of the road forever. Whatever the case may be, life will go on and I hope that you take lessons learned from your lost friendships to help you become a better friend to the ones you do have. 
Thank you for reading this post. 

P.S. To my lost friends, I hope that wherever you are and whatever you're doing, you are happy and at peace. Thank you for being a part of my life and even though we aren't in each others' lives anymore, I have gained life lessons to help me now and in the future. God bless.

11 comments:

  1. Hi Berry
    Never commented on any of your posts athough I’m a regular. But this truly hits home. Couple of years back I lost my two best friends of 8 years and I was a wreck afterwards. I questioned and replayed scenes over and over in my head to figure out what happened and the parts I played in the whole mess. It was a hard time but I’ve taken solace in the fact that we were only meant to be friends for a short period.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, thanks for commenting. That must have been rough! Losing a friend is hard, but best friends are like family (if not closer sometimes). I hope you have some peace about it now. It gets easier with time. There may be wistful times when you remember the good days, but if they wanted to be your friends, then they would still be in your life. Sending hugs.

      Delete
  2. I was thinking about this same topic this morning. I have a couple of relationships that have been rocky for a little while. One of my friends is ghosting me at least it feels that way. And it hurts - I have analysed and analysed, and the crazy thing is in the end this confirms some of my thoughts on the relationship prior to the decline. I am hoping it is just a low point and we will bounce back but who knows. It hurts, I've prayed about it and still do, at the end of the day I pray I grow from it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UGH! I detest ghosting! If you don't want to be friends anymore, just be an adult about it and say that you can't spend time on the friendship anymore. Either way, it stings, but just disappearing and refusing to respond to calls or messages is just _____.

      You'll be fine though, I'm sure of it. Hugs to you.

      Delete
  3. Often times when I look back on the "friends I've lost" I realized they were mere associates and acquaintances but there are definitely lessons to be learnt from losing them either way. Hopefully one day in the future you can rekindle some of your former friends. www.travelbeautyblog.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meh, we'll see. I don't consider the friends I've lost as associates - I know the kinds of conversations we had, and we were invested in each other's lives. But it is what it is.

      Delete
  4. Boy, is this ever a relatable post! It's really difficult to lose a friendship but I learned that it takes two to tango; that you can't force it. I'm learning to be open to future reconciliation and restoration and I find that I'm no longer as attached to friendships as I used to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really takes two to tango. Nobody can have a one-sided friendship = that's not even friendship, period. Depending on the amount of hurt, it can be difficult to be open for reconciliation, but God's grace is powerful, so...

      Delete
  5. This hit close to home, imagine losing a friend you've had in your life for almost as long as you can remember yourself. My big take-home, beware of those traits you see in your friend and you're making excuses about it to other people, over-compensating and telling yourself, "I know how to handle that"; one day that friend will turn that same trait on with you full blast. When people show their true colors believe them the first time. And finally, "20 children don't play together for 20 years", I have finally accepted that.
    ~ Eva

    ReplyDelete
  6. Interesting post. To be honest, I seldom keep any close friends and I am comfortable with that. I find that a lot of friendships just don't end up fulfilling their purpose in a person's life that they ought to and that is when things start to change. Imagine drifting apart due to conflicting values and differing opinions on lifestyle and such. I have ghosted some people before because they were not taking the hints I was sending and I admit that this was probably not the best way of dealing with things but the relationship was starting to take a toll on my emotional well-being. Nevertheless, I still do wish them the best that life has to offer. - www.jamilakyari.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. Girl if this isn't a word for me, I do not know what is!!!

    ReplyDelete

Reading your comments ALWAYS makes me smile. I hope you smile when I reply :)