January 8, 2024

I Took A Divorce Class!

Hi again!

I thought I had shared about Divorce Care on the blog before, but it turns out that I had it in mind, but never actually wrote about my experience. I'm guessing you're probably wondering why I went through the program in the first place. I became officially divorced in January 2022. The marriage had been in disintegration mode for maybe 5 years before then. While I felt that I had moved on emotionally, mentally and legally, I still felt that I wanted to be sure I was COMPLETELY DONE and had covered all bases. Additionally, I knew that before I ventured into dating again, I wanted to be sure that I had done the inner work and healed, and not take any metaphorical baggage into a new relationship. I had heard about DivorceCare from someone at my church and knew that I would like to go through the program eventually. Well, eventually came later in 2022 and I found a church in the vicinity with a time that worked for me. 

In case you're wondering, Divorce Care is a Christian-based 13-week program to help people navigate, well, DIVORCE (and also separation). The aim is to provide the person [potentially] going through divorce with a support group and tools to heal and recover. Weekly topics range include Deep Hurt, Conflict, Financial/Legal Issues, Family & Friends, Forgiveness, Single Living and more. I should point out that my understanding, DivorceCare would prefer to see marriages restored, but understand that there are circumstances where divorce is the only option. 

Our group was a mix of people who had been married for 40+ years to 1-2 years. There were people facing separation, some at the very beginning of their divorces, some already divorced (like me). I don't really want to go into the people of the group, since everything discussed was confidential, but I can share my own specific experience.

Even though I had already been effectively separated for 5 years, and thought I had moved on fully, there were some discussions and tough questions that showed me that I wasn't as in the clear as I had previously thought. I had some shame, anger, resentment and even bitterness about my marriage (and toward my ex). I hadn't always handled conflict well. I still had some forgiving to do (of my ex, and of myself). Going through the program was not only eye-opening, but also helped me face some things that I had either glossed over or ignored. The main thing I wanted from attending the program was to figure out where I needed to make improvements post-divorce. It wasn't always pretty to look in the mirror and admit my failings, but I'm glad I was strong and vulnerable enough to get it done. 

The program was so impactful to me and someone else who was going through the class at the same time (different location) that we considered the idea of hosting a Divorce Care group at our church - I actually still wouldn't mind hosting one virtually, and maybe geared towards African women. We'll see what the future holds. I would strongly encourage anyone who's divorced or facing divorce to look up Divorce Care and find a group that you can join

P.S. This is NOT a sponsored post!

If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me via email or DM.

Thanks for reading and have a pretty week!

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