February 22, 2021

To Date or Not to Date?

What's up beautiful people? I hope you had a nice weekend. It's your Berrylicious blogger/podcaster again (duh this is my blog) and today I want to address dating when your marriage is over. I can say that for the past maybe year or two, I've been asked several times when I'll start dating again and my answer has always been...

When my divorce is final. 

But why?

Well, for a couple of reasons - the first being, as a Christian, I don't want to be that person that is in a relationship while still married (anybody that wants to judge me can go eat some ice cream and chill please). The second reason, not related to being a Christian is that I don't want to start dating and have to explain to interested parties that, "Oh, just so you know, I'm kind of like married but we're not together, but we're married so like if you want to marry me eventually, it might take some time and yeah, what had happened was..." 

In my very humble opinion, that's just bringing extra baggage into a potential new relationship. Feel free to disagree with me, but it's my opinion and I'm sticking to it. I simply feel that it's better to have a clean everyone-has-signed-off-on-the-dotted-divorce-filing-line break before wading into the dating pool. 

Of course, life isn't black and white and so I also must tell you that I have wanted to date. Well, more the desire to have someone to talk to daily, hold, be emotionally connected to, etc. I have had that desire, especially during the random times I feel lonely (which isn't often). But the two reasons above, and also 'rona' have made me REALLY hesitant to explore the possibility. I'll share in a different post another aspect that's keeping me from dating right now.

The funny thing about it is with a lot of Nigerian almost-exes, you find that the man is happily dating and flaunting girlfriends all willy-nilly, while the woman typically stays single for a long time until eventually remarrying (if she does, that is). In my mind, I'm definitely not trying to be that woman that's going to be single for the next ten years - not even five - the most I'll give myself is two (for selfish reasons - I don't want anyone to rain on my solo 40th birthday trip parade next year). But for now, I'm just going to keep focusing on my daughter, my podcast, my short-term goals, etc. 

Come back next week for the other reason why I'm hesitant to date.

Bodaciously yours,

P.S. This post is in no way to shade anybody. (Or is it? BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA). It's not sha - I don't have that energy. (Or do I? BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA). I clearly have SOME energy. For laughing o, not for shading.

P.P.S. #OkBye


  1. Hahahah at the end of this blog. This is so me (throwing subtle shade but also not throwing buhahaha). Okay re dating, your explanations make a WHOLE lot of sense. I want to say "take your time" but I also want to say, "girl life is short, ENJOY! If someone amazing comes along, why not if not". But then again, I know how covid has ruined dating in a lot of ways sooo.

  2. Where's the follow up post, Berry? Tell us about this "other aspect", please!


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