May 31, 2020

It was My Birthday


This past Friday, May 29th was my 38th birthday. For the first time in years, I actually looked forward to my birthday. In 2018 and 2019 I actually turned my phone off on my birthday because I didn't want to have to deal with all the happy wishes and pretend that I was thrilled. I was grateful for the wishes, yes but I was not in a good place. I haven't really shared what the past few years have really been like for me - but those who pay attention know that things haven't been quite the same. I've been a bit subdued and not as happy-go-lucky as I used to be. Just last week I shared a photo from 5 years ago, where I was dancing at my cousin's wedding. One of my family friends asked me, "Do you think you were happier then?" I answered affirmatively because the major aspects of my life were going very well at the time. My friend mentioned how I used to dance in the rain, and twirl all the time, and that she misses the old me. And guess what? I do too.
However, that old me hadn't experienced the things I've gone through in the past few years. The person that I am is happy but it's taken me a long time to get back to this point where I can laugh at the struggles I have been through and still going through. I've always said anyway that I would rather be joyful than happy. Happy can disappear when life gets tough... Joy doesn't depend on what circumstances surround me. I'm still not where I'd like to be but I'm joyful that I'm growing into a better version of myself. I know that I will twirl again - Coco twirls all the time on my behalf anyway. I will dance in the rain again - after I take off my faux locs please. I will smile more again.

And I have been smiling more! My birthday was fantastic! I loved every single minute of my day, even with Coco hijacking my birthday. My family surprised me with a drive-by birthday party parade! I was surrounded by those who love me and it really touched me. I thank God for a new year and yes, 40 is just 2 years away now, and I hope and pray that by then, I will be completely joyful and be in a place that I actually want to be. 

I had a birthday shoot the week before - my darling sister did my makeup and took my photographs and it's been a blessing for her to be with us during this season. I loved the photos and video that she put together for my family to share on my birthday.


  1. Happy Birthday Berry.
    I've been thinking about you A LOT and sure would be praying for you.
    Spreading you love and light.

    Hephzibah Frances,

  2. Happy belated birthday Berry! I agree with what you say about the differences between happiness and joy. Ughhhh, unfortunately the Bible never promised us happiness - but it does promise us JOY! Put on the King & Country song, Joy, and twirl around at home. My 4 year old loves that song and it gives me joy watching him do his little dance and belt out the words. I pray you get this promise. I love these pics. You make mermaid faux locs look amazing...I may have to consider trying them myself! :)


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