May 29, 2019

WCW May 2019: Berry Dakara

Happy Birthday to me!

I have normally been that person who enjoys her birthday and draws attention to it. Last year, I didn't want to celebrate. As a matter of fact, I turned off my phone because I didn't want to speak to anyone. I put up a post on Instagram because I was completing a 31-day challenge, but apart from that, didn't want to make a big deal out of my birthday. I already felt the same thought coming along this year and decided to stop it in its tracks. As you know, I feature a woman I'm inspired by on the last Wednesday of every month for my WCW series. This month I have decided to do something different and feature myself.

I thought it would be weird though, to say why I'm inspired by myself, so I asked on Instagram if anyone would like to tell me if they've ever been inspired by me and why. These are the responses I got below:

"The Lovely Links - you have a way to getting some interesting stories and I really look forward to them."

"I don't know how to explain it, but your outlook on life generally."

"I see that you're REAL. I enjoy all aspects of (your) life as you share. It's very normal and encouraging."

"I like that you really made an effort to upgrade your blog to a professional look! :)"

"You were so strong to share your fertility story and also to develop the Goal Getter Guide."

"Your fertility story was what got me interested in your blog. I love your realness."

"You exude strength and you openly share your vulnerabilities."

I also asked if anyone had any questions for me, and my responses are below as well.

What is the hardest part about being in a long-distance marriage?
Everything is hard about being in a long-distance marriage. I would not recommend it for anyone, to be perfectly frank. I asked once on my Instagram stories, and the best advice I got about making your marriage is long-distance was to ensure that you have an estimated end date. If you're just waiting and things are up in the air and beyond your control, it is extremely hard, discouraging and disheartening. You have to BOTH ACTIVELY work on keeping your marriage together, otherwise, each passing day brings you closer to the end of that marriage.

When is Cakes moving over? Got tips for handling the long-distance?
We have no idea at this point. It's up in the air. My number one tip is to constantly stay in communication. I mean, every single day, throughout the day. Talk about the big things, the small things, and everything in between. Once a day or twice a day does not cut it. If you're not sharing your life with your spouse, one or both of you will eventually share it with someone else.

When are we getting a blog post on you and Cakes? We miss the updates.
I hope my responses above kinda give you an idea? LOL.

What's your toughest struggle right now?
My biggest struggle today is two-fold. I'm not in a job that I love, or that even pays well. It makes life pretty difficult. Yes, I can pay the basic bills, but I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and you have no idea how much it bugs me. I'm just really grateful for my parents who house Cocoa and I, and to my family and friends who have been generous with time, care and the occasional "let-me-dash-you-money." I can't wait for the day I can pay everyone back and take them on a fabulous trip to say thank you. And I can't wait to be in a job that I enjoy, that is impactful, and that fills me bank account with plenty money!!!!

And finally, I asked Kachi of if she wouldn't mind posing a few questions.

Looking back, other than the birth of Cocoa, what would you say makes you your WCW? What are you most proud of?
The past two years have been extremely hard. I can't really get into what exactly, but that I can stand today, that I can laugh and be silly, that I can wipe the tears from my eyes and keep it moving, makes me proud. None of you want to know the hardships I have faced, trust me. But if you did, I daresay, you would acknowledge my shortcomings while understanding that I DESERVE SOME ACCOLADES!

People are generally skeptics about sharing their challenges on the internet, but you're quite open - from TTC, to financial concerns. How do you perceive failure? In what ways has this made you stronger?
I'm not the kind of person to toot my own horn. As a matter of fact, I've been told at work (and outside work) that I downplay my accomplishments and achievements a lot. I have been open about having low self-esteem before, and finding it hard to be confident in myself. Because of that, a lot of times, I don't handle failures too well and make small missteps and mistakes into huge, gigantic things. I have had to learn to remove MYSELF and my CHARACTER away from the mistakes. I have had to learn to say "I failed at this or that, but I am not a failure. I made a mistake, but my mistakes do not define WHO I am." I am definitely not advocating continuing in doing the wrong thing - you have to take responsibility for your actions and deal with consequences, but I've also learned to extend grace to others and myself. I think that giving grace makes me a stronger person than I have been in the past.

You're given a blank cheque to write one of your deepest goals and life aspirations. What are you writing and why?
Hmmm. I haven't quite figured out how to write out this particular dream, but I know that I want to reach women (particularly Nigerian/African women) and give them a chance to let their voices be heard. I think that too many women are afraid to speak up on different things, because they're afraid of judgment, afraid to be themselves, afraid to show weakness/imperfections. I would like to create an organization that would provide small groups for women to come together and talk, network, share ideas, give and get support, etc. I'll stop here because I'm 100% about to ramble on and on about other things I would like in life. :)

What 3 little things make you ingloriously happy?
1. Cocoa and all her antics. I love her hugs - she gives the best in the world. I love her smile and laugh - they make me laugh.
2. Baileys Irish Cream. No joke, whenever someone offers some, I literally shout out "BAILEYS!!!!!"
3. Small chops. I've been without small chops for too long :( but it always made me a very happy girl.

What's your absolute favorite drink in the world?
It might be some kind of mix that has Baileys, Hot Cocoa or Chocolate shake, and a hint of Coffee in it.

What three words do you hope people describe you with?
I hope people say that I am Kind, a Christian, and Easy/Real/Easy to talk to. Sorry :p

One outfit you won't be caught wearing ever!
It's not an outfit, but you'll never catch me wearing Louboutins! Not interested in red bottoms, and I like my ankles.

Name one embarrassing moment from your past that you won't be embarrassed by at all again.
Hmm. LOL, when I was a teenager, we had a landline and we weren't allowed to get calls on it after 8 or 9pm. Well, on this particular night, at like 9:30, a guy I had just met through a friend, called to speak with me. It wouldn't have been bad, except that my mum got on the phone in the living room and told me to stay on the phone while she listened in. This boy 100000000% told me that he saw what he liked and wanted me to be his girlfriend!!! I was FOURTEEN YEARS OLD and my mum was on the other line listening!!! I wasn't sure whether to cry, melt into the floor or plot how I would run away. Well, my mum wasn't angry - I told her it was my friend's cousin and I had only just met him. If something like that happened now, I wouldn't even bat any eyelid because WHAT'S THAT?

Thank you to everyone who helped me out with this post. Thanks to my sister, Tammy, for my photos. I didn't have a birthday shoot and she wasn't happy that these are kinda plain, but I'm perfectly fine with them :)


  1. Love this! And, happy birthday! I pray God grants your heart's desires.


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