March 6, 2018

On Dreams

I used to be the girl (or woman) who had an overactive imagination. That imagination fueled my creativity. It caused me to question and even challenge why things could not be done. It gave me a boldness and confidence to speak up when internally, I wanted to shrink into myself. Having the ability to dream and imagine what could be, caused some fear, but also excitement within me. But somewhere, sometime within the past two years, I stopped dreaming.

I met a lady 2 weeks ago. Somehow we connected, and she felt a pull to have a long chat with me. During our talk, she asked me what my dreams are. I was stuck. I couldn't give her an answer. I didn't know what to tell her because I didn't know what my answer was. I've been asked once or twice in the past couple of months - "Berry, what's your dream job?" And each time, my answers have been "I don't know" or a jumbled up, confused string of words.

I don't know how I lost my dreams, or when I lost them. But I want them back. I believe what we call dreams are what the Bible calls visions. I may be wrong, but that's what I think right now. The Bible says to "write the vision down and make it plain." How can I write my visions/goals/dreams down, if I don't even have them anymore?

I want to make an active push towards reclaiming my dreams, my goals, my creativity, my imagination. I don't know how to do it, but maybe I can start by remembering some of the dreams I had back in the day.

  • When I was a child, I told my mum I wanted to live in a hotel. Why? Because I wouldn't need to make my bed, clean the room, or cook. Living in a hotel doesn't sound half bad to me now, but I'm 87% sure I'd make my bed and clean the room.
  • I wanted to be an actress one day. I've shown you guys clips of a Nollywood film, a short comedy, and a church musical that I acted in. I don't think this is a dream I want to revisit :p
  • I have had a recurring dream over the years to own a boutique. I know what I want to have in my store and I have a choice of 2 names, but something happened to the money I had set aside for it. I may still be able to do it in the future.
  • Every once in a very very very very long while, I have seen myself speaking to a large audience - I'm not quite sure in what capacity, or what the subject is. I've seen it and thought to myself, "Maybe one day, but I can't right now." I know I have Impostor Syndrome - google it, if you don't know what that is
  • For a season there, I thought it would be marvelous to be paid to travel! I'm not sure that's something I can actually achieve anymore. 
Even though I may not know what my dreams are anymore, the fact that I'm even asking myself what they are, means that they are buried within me somewhere. They are not as lost or dead as I have thought. I just need to rediscover and start dreaming again. Any tips for me?


  1. be a swimsuit model. I've toyed with the idea forever. This year I said fuck it and put it on my vision board. 2018 we move.

  2. Omg!! Berry, you can be anything you want to be.
    I think you need a temporary change of environment.. do something or go somewhere completely different even if its just for a short period of time.
    I felt this same way you did sometime last year and it was soo bad that i stopped going to work.. i just didnt see the point to life..
    But... i took a solo trip to the Seattle last year.. it was my first trip to the us and i had to drink garri for almost 6 months to afford it.
    All i did was mingle and go out with people in tech and talk to strangers (which i would never do in nigeria).. that was all i needed to wake me up.. i stayed with people actively working on their almost impossible dreams and they transfered the ginger to me

    My dream now is to finally get an mba or graduate degree and then get a pm job at google..

  3. The Bible says there is a season for everything. Maybe this is a season of rest for you. If you know anything about old time farming, you can’t plant crops on the same patch of land year in, year out; there has to be a period where the land lies fallow. It may look dead to the naked eye but underneath, the soil is undergoing a restoration. So be easy on yourself and take the time to enjoy your daughter and being a new mommy. You will find inspiration soon enough!

    Btw, I saw you at last year’s NFFT event in Atlanta but was too shy to say hello to you lol.

  4. Correction: NFFT event in 2016 not last year

  5. Funny we had the same thought, I put up a post on this issue today as well. I wanted to have a bakery as well as be in the healthcare setting, took a few bad turns

  6. I think the reality of 'adulting' chases our dreams away. I don't think you need to attach a title or label to your dream job. Just write a list of everything you like doing and ask God to lead you to a job that allows you to do 'all these things'. I recently read a blog post on Kachee Tee's blog. The guest blogger couldn't really explain what job she wanted but she knew what she liked doing and what she was good at. She eventually found a job that allowed her to live her dream.


  7. Make a vision board and let it diffuse a positive energy into your soul each time you look at it.
    Just believe in you! Believe you can do it and pray for supportive help. Somethings can be done by others for you while you take good care of your family.
    Don't stop dreaming Berry!
    Your a go-getter.
    You can achieve much.
    Step out of your head once in a while and enjoy life.

    Lots of Love

  8. I also need to start dreaming again.
    Thanks Berry.

  9. This is an old post. But I read it and just wanted to give you an e-hug.
    It's funny how people are strangers but have similar experiences.
    Our dreams shall be rediscovered and lived. In Jesus name.


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